EADJ Fashion Roundup: Sweet November Edition

Dang. That guy is like a CHERRY/CHERRY/LEMON on a slot machine.

Steve Zissou takes a smoke break–after bowling a game, apparently.

This lumbering beast of burden plowed three rows in Penn Station before Farmer Blake could plant next year's corn.

Look. It's Nick Nolte's mugshot.

This is either a wacky French cartoon or a very easy page of "Where's Waldo?'

This middle aged hipster still cruises Tinder and brews his own craft beer. Has he mentioned his Twitch Channel where he plays RDR2?

Here's A Brief List of Things You Can Be Expected To Applaud For At Any Comedy Club

• the incredible and hardworking waitstaff

• how nice the venue looks

• the presenter

• "The Ladies"

• the fact that you're "having a good time"

• that it's the comedian's birthday

• that the comedian has a new baby

• any mention of New York

• any mention of the West Coast

• being single

• being married

• the mention of beer

• the mention of pot

• how handsome Ryan Gosling is

• how strong your drinks are

• Columbus Day

• the enduring popularity of McDonald's food

• how fucking feels good

• our men and women in uniform

• how cool dogs are

• liking big butts

• the Golden Corral

• reversible windows

• the death of "Clippy"

• cosplay

• roma tomatoes

• the end of slavery

• fart spray

• Ron Perlman

• cloth napkins kicking ass

• keg stands

• drinking from a beer boot

• oscilloscopes

• the concept of humility

• Cameron Diaz' film career

• female directors

• USB hubs

• the apostle Peter

• Overstock.com

• fleshlights

• parting your hair on the right

Andrew Dice Clay Is Still Doing It

The following are transcribed from a January performance at the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Omaha City, Nebraska:

"Yankee Doodle came to town
riding on a pony,
stuck a feather in some chick's pussy
and she got toxic shock syndrome! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed home,
this little piggy had roast beef,
and this little piggy ate some broad out in a Port-a-John and got Hepatitis C! Boom! UnbeLIEVABLE!"

"Hey Diddle Diddle...
Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC would like to you to sit right over there! Let me tell ya, ShabbadabbaDOOM!"

"Little Bo Peep, lost her sheep,
and didn't know where to find them.
Hey, bitch, who told you to leave the kitchen in the first place? Go make me a sandwich, because you're a woman, and you're supposed to do those things! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
she had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
I know what you can do, lady. You should keep your legs crossed from now on, because you obviously are promiscuous and should be ostracized for being sexually active, because we men have a double standard when it comes to sexual behavior like that! Am I right, fellas? Boom! Helllll yeah!"

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
why am I obscure now, but other shitty comedians like Dane Cook and Larry The Cable Guy are literally filling up stadiums? Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

Coming Soon to the EADJ Crappinema: Playin' For the Kitty

I've read novels shorter than this plot summary:


And the award for most-strained analogy goes to...

What Dave Levy Lev'd Behind, Part 5

Okay, this might be the worst one yet.



So Dave Levy has left behind rum, a fishing pole, and a parrot. Proving that when he was here, he was either a pirate or a big Jimmy Buffet fan.