A Pathmark Inversion

Editor's Note: We know we did a Pathmark yesterday, but wanted to call attention to this.

Spotted at Old Navy, actually–not Pathmark. Whilst in line, I saw this charming switcheroo:

A candy amongst the hair clips.

Then a hair clip amongt the candies.

SUCH SYMMETRY!

"Life is Really Simple, But We Insist on Making It Pathmark."

 

Hello, New Say Goodbye Entries!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Even More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

Chelsea: "Okay, our hair is all braided. Now the fuck what?"

Dina: "Are you finished yet?"

Hector: "Ugggghhh. Yep."

Tranquility Base: "What seems to be the problem, Capricorn One?"

Captain Wilson: "Tranquility Base, I thing the Tang is fermented, cuz I am tripping balls here."

Morgan Freeman's Character: "It's odd that we all worked for Bruce Wayne."

Michael Caine's Character: "That's true. How very interesting."

Alan Arkin's Character: "Bruce Wayne? Who's Bruce Wayne? Are you two crazy?!"

Dean (Ferrell): "He was cheating in Blackjack. Rough him up, Sully."

Sully: "You mean, like, shake him, or slap him?"

Dean: "Jeez, I don't know, Sully, try both, okay? You're the muscle!"

Greg: "Sorry, hon. I'm sure we parked around here somewhere..."

Papa Smurf: "Even though we've lived in an isolated village far from humans, we somehow know all the latest pop culture phrases and memes, ain't that right, Brainy Smurf?"

Brainy Smurf: "YOLO, beeyatch! Fidget Spinner Twitterverse Rickroll throwing shade! LOL"

Saresh: "You know how it is!"

Prya: "I sure do!"

Demon 3: "Okay, you found me."

Axton: "I'm going bonkers here, Wilma! I need a motherfucking support animal!"

Dougie: "My penis is erect because of your amazing body."

Candy: "Gross. I'm calling the police."

Andrew Dice Clay Is Still Doing It

The following are transcribed from a January performance at the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Omaha City, Nebraska:

"Yankee Doodle came to town
riding on a pony,
stuck a feather in some chick's pussy
and she got toxic shock syndrome! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed home,
this little piggy had roast beef,
and this little piggy ate some broad out in a Port-a-John and got Hepatitis C! Boom! UnbeLIEVABLE!"

"Hey Diddle Diddle...
Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC would like to you to sit right over there! Let me tell ya, ShabbadabbaDOOM!"

"Little Bo Peep, lost her sheep,
and didn't know where to find them.
Hey, bitch, who told you to leave the kitchen in the first place? Go make me a sandwich, because you're a woman, and you're supposed to do those things! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
she had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
I know what you can do, lady. You should keep your legs crossed from now on, because you obviously are promiscuous and should be ostracized for being sexually active, because we men have a double standard when it comes to sexual behavior like that! Am I right, fellas? Boom! Helllll yeah!"

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
why am I obscure now, but other shitty comedians like Dane Cook and Larry The Cable Guy are literally filling up stadiums? Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

Hollywood Is Getting Desperate.

Anyone who's seen the trailer for the upcoming "Battleship" movie can tell that Hollywood is seriously running out of ideas when they're greenlighting entire films based on board games. After mining every old TV series, comic book, toy, cereal, video game, and theme park ride for movie ideas, it comes as no surprise that movie studios have now turned to the next hot property for movie rights: the coffee flavors in my office's break room.


Here's a sampling of what's coming to theatres:


"Jet Fuel"
Climb aboard this comedic 3D romp as three dumb astronauts (Jim Carrey, Kevin James and Rob Schneider) blast off to become Saturn's first inhabitants. Also starring Michael Clarke Duncan as NASA's embarrassed administrator and Antonio Banderas and Michelle Rodriguez as the "Coffee People." Rated PG-13 for lewd humor, sexual situations and poop and fart jokes.


"Dark Magic"
Scott Caan, Christian Slater, Kevin Dillon, Taylor Lautner and Colin Farrell play a tough young street gang who meet a wise old magician (Anthony Hopkins) and learn the ways of black magic to beat all of their rival gangs. It's "The Lost Boys" meets "The Outsiders" meets "West Side Story" in this deep, dark, spellbinding adventure. Also starring Minka Kelly because she's pretty. Rated PG-13 for violence that's not gory but something you wouldn't want your kids to try on each other.


"Kenyan AA"
Djimon Hounsou portrays a troubled cab driver in Nairobi who tries to overcome his alcoholism, thanks to the big heart of a visiting businessman (Stellan Skarsgård) in this inspirational story of triumph and the human spirit "with a sparkling finish." Special appearance by President Barack Obama. Rated PG for language and some drug and cigarette use.


"Sumatran Reserve"
Martha (Patricia Clarkson), a biochemist, travels to the deep jungles of Southeast Asia to find a cure for lupus. Her scrappy, uncultured tour guide Jambi (Danny Pudi) proves to both try her patience and stimulate her loins... Rated R for ribald comedy and sexual situations involving a yak.


"Kenya Kilimandjaro," a.k.a. "Can Ya Kill A Man, Jaro?"
Jaro Muthermunn (Jason Statham), one of the world's deadliest big game hunters, returns from self-imposed exile after his mentor, Corsé (Sylvester Stallone) is captured at the base of Mount Kilimandjaro. Jaro reassembles his former team of skilled huntsmen to launch a rescue mission, and also to destroy the nearby drug farm, run by the evil Dark Roast (Terry Crews). Rated R for graphic violence and Jason Statham.