This Week in "Chicago Whatever"

NBC continues to triple down on their public servant drama shows. Here are storylines for the "Chicago" shows this week:

Chicago P.D.

Chancellor Hardwick discovers what looks like a sewer system treasure map. Karla reveals to Connor she knows about the affair. The hot dog eating contest changes venue from Portillos to Weiner's Circle.

Chicago Med

As Chief Surgeon, Sheila announces that latex gloves are mandatory in operating rooms. A prank rivalry on the 4th floor threatens the safety of the neonatal unit. EMT trainer Douglass discovers hentai.

Chicago Fire

Battalion Chief Onutsa gets addicted to Ozempic. Terry's wife gets promoted over him as Fire Inspector. The Moon Patrol arcade machine in the station breaks.

The ProofrEADJer: Early April Edition

Selling His Wares

Joel dispensed with the formalities today and opened his own dick-flavored ice cone stand. Now, an ice cone is different from a Sno-Cone® in that it doesn't have shaved ice and sweet flavoring in a paper cone but instead has small round granules of ice with dick-flavoring in a cone shaped like Joel's forearms.

Joel opened shop on the corner of Mullholland and Sepulveda Boulevard, which is a terrible location, seeing how it's in the middle of nowhere. But it was next to one of those kids twirling the shit out of a real estate sign, so there's some kind of audience there.

Joel was actually not selling dick so much as shopping for it. That day, he only sold 2.5 ice cones but met 40 men. He also got to show a couple of his terrible screenplays to a few producers and a Walgreen's greeter. All that free time out there on that mountain also gave Joel the chance to write a new screenplay entitled, "Cross Reference," the coming-of-age story of an aspiring screenwriter who meets a successful producer with long golden locks and a massive chest who looks like Sawyer from "Lost" but who would actually return your phone calls, for crying out loud.

(pictured above, some graffiti that worked!)