Fringe Backdrop

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Netflix introduced new shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• The Property Brothers Make Out

• Paw Patrol: Special Victims Unit

• Love It, List It, or Shred Everything You Own?

• Pitch Perfect: The Laryngitis Years

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Murder She Rapped

• How I Met Your Uncle's Second Wife's Daughter

• The Laura Ingraham Two Minutes of Hate

•  Dora the Internet Explorer

The Answers To A Quiz You Took in 2nd Grade

Sorry it took so long, but here are the answers to a math quiz you took in 2nd Grade. Your teacher Ms. Yancey apologizes. You must get your graded quizzes signed by one of your parents by Tuesday.

1. 5

2. 12

3. 8 or 9

4. Ω

5. fourteenth

6. Richard Pryor

7. √44

8. -2

9. "Faith" by George Michael

10. .00000000000000000000000000000003

How To Write A Completely Non-Endorsing LinkedIn Recommendation

1) Use vague language to describe the person's job instead of the quality of their work.

2) Focus on how nice they are as a person, not at the quality of their work.

3) Write more about YOURSELF, instead of the quality of their work.

4) Use accurate but verbose language to describe the quality of their work.

5) Sound like an idiot, so that any recommendation you write actually backfires.

What? MORE Movies Based On My Wife's Ringtones? Not Cool, Hollywood. Not Cool.

Explanatory sentence describing Hollywood and their lack of original scripts blah blah blah. 

"Silent"
starring Teller
No plot summary available.

"Birdsong By The Lake"
starring Zac Efron, Kristen Bell, Amanda Seyfried and One Direction's Harry Styles
This uplifting young adult drama captures an unforgettable summer by the lake, following the story of four friends who find love in the most unlikely of places, under a rotting canoe.

"Blowing Dandelion Seeds"
starring Peter Dinklage and Faith Ford
A corrupt senator (Dinklage) tries to hide his crimes by blackmailing the investigative reporter (Ford) on his trail. A web of intrigue and a clash of wills turn into a deadly battle involving a drug cartel, the Russian mafia, and hookers. Kat Williams plays the pimp "Dandelion Seeds."

"Bugs' Story"
This crappy low budget Pixar ripoff stars the voices of Woody Allen, Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone as... oh wait. They already made "Antz."

"Desert Sunrise"
Sigh. Once again Richard Linklater directs Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy as star-crossed lovers who make a strong connection and flirt for two hours. But this time it's in a desert. Soundtrack by Smashmouth and Nusrat Fateh Ali Kahn.

"Drifting Downstream"
starring Richard Crenna, Roy Scheider, Rue McLanahan and Brittany Murphy
This charming, lighthearted comedy about suburban life is sure to delight all audiences, except for the fact that all the actors listed to star in it are dead.

"Eagle's Call"
starring Gerard Butler, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Ken Jeong
A CIA operative (Butler) joins forces with a Black Ops specialist (Johnson) to find a nuclear device stolen by an unnamed Supreme Leader of North Korea (Jeong). Also starring Sam Elliott as Captain Dash.

"Fairy Fountain"
featuring the voices of Amy Schumer, Howard Stern, Jim Norton, and Lisa Lampanelli.
Fuck fuck shit cock pussy shit cunt tits fuck fuck pisser shot fuckers fuck asshole shit cunt dick twat fucker cum fucker shit shit fuckers.

So How Did "The Suburbans" Do?

The EADJ Crappinuum has always been the most accurate way to gauge how bad a movie is. The mere fact that it appears on this measure indicates that it falls somewhere between "terrible" and "fucking piss-awful."

"The Suburbans" is one of those movies that leans a little more towards just "terrible" because of the following reasons:

• pretty good production values

• a discernible plot

• not terrible performances (except for the director/writer/main actor/caterer)

Everything else is a solid strike against the movie, from being unfunny, unconvincing, poorly paced, to worst of all, wasting the comedic talents of some solid stars. Oh, and a major strike for not getting Jennifer Love Hewitt to flash her snoobs.

UAG

A Special Pre-Valentines Day Message From Cement Bird

Cement Bird, as some of you might remember, can only communicate through shitty FWD emails.



----- Forwarded Message ----
From: cialis@2934.kadsf.tv
To: mailinglist@mindspring.com
Sent: Mon, January 9, 2012 9:28:55 PM
Subject: Fw: [Fwd: INSPIRING PHOTOS!!!!!]

THIS IS WONDERFUL. GREAT PICTURES AND GREAT ADVICE.
The irony of these beautiful photos is that we may never have seen them if the artist hadn't died prematurely at age 57 when his plane crashed on February 6th, 2010.
Carlos Alberto was from Mendoza, Peru, one of the provinces next to the Andes. absolutely magnificent photos
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Hotmail: Free, trusted and rich email service. Get it now. =

Asscheeky Monkey

(Editor's Note: EADJ has been fortunate to have recently met up with Joel Himself in L.A. recently. The full interview and photo spread will be posted soon.)

Joel's getting more famous by the day.

Just yesterday, Dora the Explorer made an allusion to Joel on its program. While looking for "The Big Red Chicken," Dora mentions to her monkey companion Boots how their search is a lot like Joel's never-ending search for dick to eat. Kewl!

Restoration Hardware has announced a new line of outdoor furniture designed for Joel and his al fresco dick eating. The Coctoss armless chaise, for example, allows for adjustable reclining with a kneeling area and a jawrest, boasting weatherproof linen cushions and solid teak legs. $869, with free shipping.

In the most recent issue of Hustler Barely Legal, a woman dresses up as Joel and eats two dudes' dicks in an "homage/tribute." Hustler's editors wrote that they even recreated Joel's shitty studio apartment. The issue has been so popular that a copy can now go for $45 on eBay.

Joel has his own entry in Wikipedia! The entry breaks down his forty dick-eating techniques, his cultural significance, a full list of the celebrity cocks that he's eaten, and many, many misspellings.

(pictured above, Brad does some Curlz at his goodbye party)