Some Upcoming Conspiracy Theories To Be Floated by InfoWars

Alex Jones, his toupee, and his group of talented writers are all working on the next batch of news stories conspiracy theories for their listeners. Here are the latest:

• The government is creating a national "postal service" where they will have government agents deliver mail TO YOUR HOME.

• Shrinky Dinks, when baked in the oven, released toxic chemicals into your kitchen to make you vote Democrat

• Taco Bell Cinnamon Crispas weren't a real Mexican dessert item. THEY WERE INVENTED BY PEPSICO

• Our staff did some research after listening to The Boomtown Rats and found out Boomtown does not exist, so those rats lied about where they're from

• In the Highlights Magazine segment "Goofus & Gallant", it turns out GOOFUS was the good guy all along!!!!!

• When you get a cramp in your leg while taking a shit, that's just Jesus saying "wassup" to you

Fringe Backdrop

Let's Run A Greasy Comb Through The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew Gall via email:

"I have no idea who this is."

DIDDEL & DIDDEL.

Another Dose Of Hip Hop Awfulness

If there's one thing the local carpet dealership doesn't like, it's someone parking in their loading zone.

Two things: body sushi is typically served with the naked woman facing up, and DO NOT EAT THAT CALIFORNIA ROLL.

In their animated Christmas Special, Lil Wayne and Rick Ross take a sad little pot plant and nourish it with love so that it's a big purple monstrosity with blunt Yule logs.

No change needed. Action Bronson, y'all. And believe it or not, the drawing actually makes him look thinner.

I'm guessing OverDoz isn't going for hardcore here, because nothing is less hardcore than destroying the break room birthday party that was prepared for Kathy in Accounting.

I'm going to call her Crazy Butt. She said I could.