Twitter's Least Used Hashtags: Global Pandemic Edition

These are the least used hashtags used on Twitter these days. So go ahead and use them at your discretion:

#togetherness

#freekissingbooth

#officeopenfloorplan

#latexglovehandjive

#latexglovehandjob

#americacanbeatthiswithprayer

#sushichefswithamildcoughit'snothing

#handsacrossAmericaforthecure

#cripplingdepressionoverthiswholethingactuallyfeelsprettygood

Pathmark! How Low Can You Go / Death Row / What A Brother Know

The ProofrEADJer: It's July Already? Edition

An Imagined Conversation

"Wanna cig?"
"Sure, thanks. Don't mind if I do."
"I got a lighter here somewhere..."
"No, wait. You can't smoke in here."
"Why not?"
"See the sign? It says no smoking. That an alarm will sound if we do."
"No, that's not what it says at all. It says that no smoking alarm will sound if we smoke. So it's cool."
"Well, if that were so, the word 'alarm' would be on the same line as 'smoking.'"
"There! I found my lighter!"
"Yeah, I don't think we should smoke in here."
"You're totally reading into that sign. It says it's cool to smoke and not to worry, no smoking alarm will sound if we do smoke."
"Why would they put up a sign that says 'it's cool to smoke?' Wouldn't they more likely put up a sign that says 'no smoking?' And what the hell is a smoking alarm?"
"A smoking alarm is what goes off if you're smoking where you shouldn't. Which is what they're assuring us will NOT go off if we smoke here."
"I don't mean to overthink this..."
"I think you are."
"...but wouldn't they just put a sign that says 'SMOKING PERMITTED?'"
"What if they couldn't spell the word 'permitted?'"
"Yeah, I guess you're right."

*casually lights cigarette*
**** ALARM SOUNDS ****

Let's Fan Our Fart Towards The EADJ Mail Sack While It's Eating!

Submitted by Vince, two Internet memes in one:

Condiments Question

Many EADJ readers have asked over the years if Joel enjoys eating dick with any condiments or sauces. The answer is 'sometimes.'

•In the spring, Joel enjoys dipping dick in praline spread and framboises confiture.

•During episodes of "Ugly Betty," Joel enjoys dick with a pineapple and ginger sauce.

•Joel eats dick with Marmite, but only after being slapped.

•Mustard and worchestershire sauce is a favorite dick sauce when Joel is watching a game of jai alai.

•When dining on dick at the Cleveland airport, Joel insists on a bottle of "Denzel's Dangerous Goods."

•When being accused of forgery, Joel enjoys dick with a roasted garlic teriyaki sauce.

(pictured above, LAX decides to end their college internship program)