"You're Braver Than You Believe, and Stronger Than You Seem, and Pathmark Than You Think"

EADJ Presents: Where Are They Now?

Smiley Gripper parlayed his short NFL career into becoming one of the most recognizable hosts on TV. The 300 lb. former running back has been the brilliant cohost of "The Voice" for three seasons and counting.

Author Sumo Mandarins is back after a 10 year hiatus from writing. This time, Mandarins tackles the trendy "Romantasy" genre and turns it on its head, spoofing both the romance and fantasy genres with a surprising tale about a man with a dachshund head falling in love with a purple horned woman who works at the space DMV. Classic Mandarins!

Michelin star acclaimed sous-chef Ropa Elegante dropped from public view after the chicken tartare incident in 2015. She currently breeds miniature buffalo in North Dakota under the alias "Flap Gracious."

Fiisto Coucha was one of the foremost mixed martial artists in the early 2010s but quickly disappeared in shame after a dummy leg was discovered in his locker room at Rumblecage 2012. Coucha now sells powdered breakfast shakes on his website couchashake.net.

More Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracy Stories

Anyone with critical thinking skills knows that Alex Jones and his merry band of conspiracy pushers make shit up weeks in advance of their shows. Here are a few you can look forward to:

• The show Info Wars itself was started by God, except that god was Dinlas, the Greek god of hate and chaos.

• Avocado pits are listening devices by Central American spy agencies to monitor American consumers who throw parties with delicious guacamole

• Meg Ryan never existed. She was 100% special effects and camera tricks

• Every piece of AI artwork was stolen from San Diego-based painter Doug Marshall

• Sliced cheese is delicious