Someone Call Courteney Cox's Lawyer

Someone at the game company Wooga liked "Friends", I guess. Or maybe they're targeting middle aged folks who miss the 90s?

The ProofrEADJer: End of February Edition

 

And there at least two different places in New York Penn Station that cannot spell "raisins."

Some Quick Notes From Tami and Chelsea

Listen up, bitches, PAY ATTENTION! Put away your phones, cut the chitchat and make a half-circle around us in 3...2...1.

No, we're not stretching out right now, Phoebe. This is just a touch-base.

Okay. DanceExpo is in 16 DAYS, people! That means we've got to get our two routines down, tight and ready for Albuquerque in 15 days. I mean it, ladies, we've got a lot of work to do between now and our 6pm slot! For realsy.

But before we even start stretching out (serious, Phoebe, not yet), Chelsea and I have a few notes about "Sorry Not Sorry:" Everyone's nice and crisp in the first verse, but when we get to "now payback is a bad bitch," I'm seeing a lot of sloppy heel-toe-heel in the back row. That includes Sophie, Candace, Allison T. and Gabriella. I'm sorry, ladies, but you gotta keep it going strong. Just because you're in the back doesn't mean judges aren't seeing your feet.

Secondly, breathing. When we're doing the fourth front-to-back-leg combo, I don't want you gasping your way through it– it messes the flow and we can all see it. So that means you need to control your breathing and not hold it during the air run. Cool? Cool.

HANDS should be tight. ELBOWS should be tight. HIPS together and CRISP, dammit. These are all things that made us the number 4 dance squad in Cleveland. Let's never forget that.

Okay, hands in the middle here:

Are we tough? YES!!!

Are we professional? YES!!!

Who are we? WE ARE WHITEFISH BAY GLAMOUR SPIRIT SQUAD 2017!!!!!

Amen. LET'S DO THIS!

The 2017 NJ Transit Survey Flyer and The Current Administration: A Correlation

So it's no secret that the country sucks now that whatshisname is in office. I guess it's only par for the course now that the survey flyer for the NJ Transit this year sucks just as badly. Check out this turd:

Yes, long gone are our 6 stiffly posed friends from years ago, only to be replaced by a new set of 5 stiffly posed strangers from what looks like a royalty free stock company. Strangely, the only surviving element has always been the "Customer Satisfaction Survey" sunburst.

I'm guessing the orange isn't an accident. The diversity is surprising, though. I'm not even going to dignify this year's entry with a thorough review or pretend backstories for the people in the picture. Because THIS IS ALL STEVE BANNON'S FAULT.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

The local theatre production of "Lawrence of Arabia" tried their best with the budget they had.

Two former students harmlessly exact revenge on their alma mater using one bootleg copy of Photoshop and photos of a fireplace fire.

Later, Residence Inn employees were baffled by the baby oil footprints on the 8th floor.

This is actually really well done. No changes!

Mom's curlers + Mom's blue bedsheets + flashlight = GANGSTA MIXTAPE!

We all love the smell of our own farts, don't we?

"School crosswalks LOL!"

There was a mixup at the printer, and they ended up putting the paper *protecting* the artwork on the scanner. Whoopsie!

George would rather wait hours for his party to show up than lose the deposit on his Houston's Steakhouse reservation.

Choose the wrong typeface and you end up on the cover of "The Crap Tribune."