I Apologize In Advance For This Post.

Spotted at a public building in Maplewood, NJ:

The phrase "Mechanical Penthouse" made me think of this:

 

Episode Synopses From Last Week's Chicago ___________

Chicago P.D.

S8E06 "Paris Is Churning"

Officer Hargraves gets his foot stuck in a bilko door. Katherine seizes power of the break room. Detective Octavio reminisces about meeting last year's arrest quota.

Chicago Med

S6E11 "Upon Whose Crown"

Doctor Langford swaps patients with a resident, with both fatal and hilarious results. Jameel unveils his new "triple blind" management style. A delirious ER patient damages every car in the parking lot with his dong.

Chicago Fire

S10E02 "Sideways March"

Wrigleyville burns down because of a stray hot dog fire. Chief Welwood finds a way to wear his overalls without pinching his gigantic penis. Sarah and Gideon make peace with their Libertarian neighbors.

Get a (Karaoke) Room, Guys

We re-captioned a still from the new trailer for "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire":

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the handsome Dalmatian with the green collar

Me: the shy Collie with the powder blue harness

Hi Dalmatian! You seemed so thrilled to be running around the park that you stepped in my poop. Call me?

You: the light colored cocker spaniel

Me: the Lhasa Apso

Our noses touched at the water bowl. You seemed intrigued. I'll literally smell ya later.

You: woof woof

Me: woof woof woof

Woof woof woof *pant* woof woof woof woof *sniff sniff* woof woof woof woof woof woof, woof!

More Fake Taglines For A Real (Terrible) Movie

The ProofrEADJer: Two-Days-Until-The-Premier-of-"Godzilla"-Starring-Bryan-Cranston Edition

EXTAR!

On The Next "Walkway To Parking," An Original Series On Lifetime

Coming July 14 on Lifetime: the most important episode of "Walkway To Parking," starring Melissa Joan Hart that you will see this year. In the season finale, titled "Forget We Met," alliances will be forged. Family secrets will be uncovered.  And four of the five major characters will die in horrible, very graphic detail.

Studio execs and television critics have been given a sneak peak at this game-changing episode, which was directed by "One Life To Live" helmer Jill Ackles, and rave reviews have hit the press already.

"My sweet God, Melissa Joan Hart was so brave to show her tits in that courtroom scene!" - Variety

"Sharon Stone shines as Aunt Hildy in a Daytime Emmy-worthy career-defining performance! Wait, this will air at night, so it's not eligible for a Daytime Emmy? Okay, never mind." - Soap Opera Digest

"I didn't understand a line of dialogue in this episode. But that's mainly because I'm Portuguese and don't speak a word of English. I mean that literally." - Honcho Magazine (Portuguese Edition)

What is it about this television show that compels people to watch it a second time? Is it Melissa Joan Hart's staggering range of emotion in her acting confused? Is it the beautiful Southern village sets? Is it the fact that it airs opposite "Minute To Win It," that idiotic show where people have to hip-check a ping pong ball into a goddamned cup? Whatever the reason, Lifetime is certainly enjoying the spike in ratings, and they are betting big on the July 14 episode, charging advertisers up to $180,000 per 30 second commercial.

"Walkway To Parking" airs on Lifetime 8pm 7 central and is rated TVMA for wincing, terrible fake Southern accents, and buckets of unnecessary gore.