Hey Hot Wheels

I'm no auto mechanic, but I'm pretty sure adding big monster truck wheels only de-emphasizes the size of your weiner.

Even More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Say you ran away from home to make it big in Hollywood, but the only roles available involve mashing your face into someone's genitals on camera for money. Jackpot! You've just become a porn star! But every porn star needs to have a memorable name. Here at EADJ we've collected a few terrible porn names that no self-respecting (ha!) actor or actress would want to use. So feel free to scoop any of these up for yourself, you rising young pornstar!

HER:

Antifa

Teri Yaki

Alexa Turnoffmyporn

L'Shana Tova

Greta Personality

Rae Dong Chomp

Kim Chee

HIM:

Fucker Carlson

Brock Livesmatter

Terry Yaki

Ben Ghazi

Cumelo Anthony

Coitus Andronicus

Ask Dr. Fish

Dear Dr. Fish,

Sometimes when I am doing yoga (especially coming out of the plow pose), my body suddenly passes air out of my vagina making a fart-like sound. It’s embarrassing when in a room full of other people! I tried keeping my pelvic muscles tight (because this has happened before, though luckily it was in my living room) when lowering my legs down in an attempt to stop this from happening, but no luck. Do you have any suggestions, is something wrong with my insides, and does this happen to other people?

Thank you for your help!
Sue Pine in Scoville

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Dear Sue,

Uh, I'm not sure how to answer this question. First of all, I am a fish, so that means I know nothing about yoga. And secondly, this question isn't exactly medical related, which is good, because I'm not really a licensed physician, so I wouldn't have been able to answer any question of that nature, either.

Hope this helped!
Dr. Fish

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Dear Dr. Fish,

I suffer from recurring vaginal yeast infections. My doctor gave me an oral antiyeast medicine for it and a cream to apply. In addition, he gave me something to stop the itching. It seemed worse after the treatment, so the doctor gave me five more days of the oral medicine. What would you suggest if it comes back again? Could it be something I am eating or taking?

Thanks in advance,
N.F. in Scoville

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Dear N.F. in Scoville,

I would definitely bring it up with your current doctor, mainly because I am not a real doctor. I am actually just a fish in a doctor's outfit. And by the way, if I had a vagina and it itched that much, I would follow those prescriptions to a motherfucking T.

Cheers,
Dr. Fish

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Yo, Dr. Fish,

Did you know "vagina" is a Latin word meaning "a sheath or scabbard?" A scabbard into which one might slide and sheath a sword, wink wink. But the sword need not be a penis; our vaginas were sheaths of power and worth celebrating! Here's to vagina power!

Margaret Cho (not the comedienne) in Scoville

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Dear Margaret,

What the fuck is going on here, people?! Why are all these questions about vaginas?! And that last one wasn't even a question. Is this some juvenile crack at how vaginas smell like fish or something, because I do NOT appreciate it. I am here to answer legitimate questions about medical problems, although I am not a medical doctor and am in fact just a humble fish. Also, what the sam shit is up with all of you coming from Scoville? Where is that?

Jesus Christ.
Dr. Fish

So, What Did We Think Of "Dragons II: Metal Ages, The Movie" In Comparison To All The Other Crappy Movies We've Watched?

Well, it wasn't original by any stretch of the imagination. Very average storyline. Animation sucked pretty badly, and the voice acting was decent but not memorable. Very forgettable but not offensively bad. For that reason we drop it somewhere in the middle between "The Man From Button Willow" (another example of lazy animation) and "Intimate Agony," the melodramatic PSA on herpes, which now that I think about it, should really be more towards the top of the heap of this spectrum for its sheer hilarity.

Now, what movie was I talking about? You SEE?

An unexpected development

In a twist of Melrose Place-like proportions, Todd Crisman has announced the existence of a "younger, snarkier David Estoye." It appeared to be some sort of retribution for the constant harpings by Team EADJ about the "Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson," but closer view of the photos and movie have proven Todd correct. Whether this is a coincidence or an elaborate hoax to distract Team EADJ from their mission is unknown. What is known is that Todd Crisman's hairdo is the building's only salt-and-pepper bowl cut.

(pictured above, not David Estoye)