Showing posts with label David Cook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label David Cook. Show all posts

Thursday, August 21, 2025

Newest Guests Added to VidCon 2025 in Savannah, Georgia


VidCon is back and with it a slew of influencers, podcasters and online personalities, all eager to meet and greet their followers. Here are the latest guests added to the live event:

• Conte crayon master SMEARNOFF will create a live portrait of actress Jennifer Lawrence, who will not be attending

• Jack Dorsey launches a rebooted version of Vine, will speak for 8 seconds

• The guy who animates Cocomelon content will speak about his close relationship with Satan

• Former fiancees and influencers Catherine Wilkes-Haggarty and Gumble Ranceforth Distinguish will reunite briefly for a shared branded content video before never speaking to each other again

• That French chef that makes everything out of chocolate will carve a bust of every single attendee to VidCon. You laugh, but that motherfucker can do it.

Friday, July 5, 2019

Some Perks and Features That Are Being REMOVED From the AMC Stubs Rewards Program


Usually, we like to update AMC Stubs Members on all the new perks and benefits being added to their membership. But lately, due to abuse of the program, the following membership perks will be discontinued immediately:


• Ability to yell four free racial slurs at the screen per movie screening
• Free usher taintrubs
• Bonus rewards points for guessing the ending and telling everybody
• Free used nachos
• Guy making popcorn will nod as you discuss with him filmmakers like Kubrick and Buñuel
• Free pirated DVD copies of movies that have already been released on DVD and reduced to the bargain bin
• Free large "cock-corn". Don't ask.

Friday, October 19, 2018

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, A GUEST SUBMISSION.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUBMISSION, AND THANKS FOR WATCHING, ANDY WESTBROCK!


Thanks, ANDY WESTBROCK!

Monday, December 28, 2009

@#$%#@



Pictured above, what happens when you try cooking when "Jersey Shore" is on.

Monday, November 3, 2008

A Response.

Dear Eat A Dick Joel Enterprises,

It has come to our attention that your blog's writer(s?) disapprove(s?) of vagina-shaped logos, saying they're ill-suited for representing one's business. We could disagree more. There is nothing wrong with the yonic shape of the female genitalia. After all, we were all birthed from one. Or in the case of us who were born Caesarian, we were conceived through one. Or in the case of us who were fertilized in vitro AND were born Caesarian, uh, never mind that group. Those are fucking freakjobs.


Anyhoo, we at Kayak.com would just like to defend our logo against your snide remarks. Although our logo is obviously based on a kayak shape with a nice visual pun of an eye to reinforce our search capabilities, the fact that it happens to resemble a woo-woo does not detract from its beauty or relevance. Hell, all of us could use a little poontang when traveling, am I right, fellas? LOL!


But seriously, the sexual repression that graphic design has been under is starting to erode. Women are being prouder of their genitals than ever. The yonic shape is starting to be a popular element not only in design but in pop culture as well. Just look at David Cook's new album cover:


In summary, blah blah blah blah pussy logo good blah blah lazy blah blah,

Sincerely,
Henry Paulson,
President of Kayak.com and United States Treasury Secretary

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The David Cook Problem, Live



The following is an emailed write-up from my Mom about the "American Idol" concert that she and my Dad attended on August 14. It is a quite lengthy read, so you might want to grab a cup of cocoa. Or not read.


On August 14, 2008, Cesar and I took the train to downtown DC anticipating a huge traffic jam. I promptly lost Cesar at the crowded station but I knew we would meet up at the Verizon Center eventually. I still had to collect my tickets from WILL CALL. .The line was already half a block long. I suddenly felt out of place because it looked like a queue for a Disneyworld ride. A man on his way to Chinatown with his family stopped to see what the commotion was all about. He did not want his little daughter to miss out on this event . The ticket master told him it was the concert for the 10 American Idol finalists .Unimpressed, the man continued his walk to Chinatown . It was 5:45 PM.
The tickets were ready20but Cesar was nowhere to be seen. He must have been swallowed by children dressed in autographed T shirts. They outnumbered the adults . Many of them were carrying placards expressing their love for David Archuleta.The teens and their parents crowded the booth for memorabilia - T shirts, magazines, programs , light sticks, key chains. The shirt with David Cook's likeness was going for $50 and so was David Archuleta's.
The queue started to enter the arena when Cesar finally showed up . He was angry, he said his train ticket had a crease that was rejected by the machine so he had to purchase a new one. He had missed Michael Phelps' swim for his 6th gold medal for this? Still , it was a miracle that he found me among the sea of Lilliputians.

To add to his anger, our seats were disappointingly far from the stage way across the whole length of the court .Good thing we brought individual binoculars.I had also packed a folding footstool in case the audience blocked my view.
No such problem here. I knew I could see over the teens even if they stood up , raised their placards or waved their light sticks. .
There was plenty of time for a quick snack At the concession stand , it was a shocker to see hot dog for $4 and beer for $7. Turkey sandwich cost more . I figured Cesar deserved a stiff drink ,after all that catastrophe with his ticket but I was not buying a $9 turkey sandwich. I chose 2 hot dogs and 2 cups of wine.
It proved to be the right combo because after finishing the snacks ,he forgot all about the train incident and concentrated on how expensive the wine was. I had time before the show so I ran out for the ladies' room where I was greeted by a dozen gleaming urinals lined up against the wall . A woman customer reassured me there were six stalls inside. Obviously , the management had anticipated that girl teenagers and their mothers would outnumber men that night and reserved that men's room for women too.
The arena was filled up by 7 PM and the concert started on time.
The top ten American idols performed 3 songs each ,starting with finalist number 10 Chekezie. Impressive voice. I could hear every syllable because of his strong vocals and great enunciation. .
Next came Filipina Ramielle Malubay, dressed in a glittering pantsuit and black boots giving her a slim long figure when she was really only 4 ft 10. Her voice was weaker than Chekezie’s but it improved when she belted out her third song .
Next came Michael Johns whose early elimination had shocked many fans . Simon Cowell had criticized Michael's lack of originality and Randy Jackson just did not like his choice of songs. Michael entered the stage through a hole on the floor . He sang "we will, we will rock you” with ear splitting accompaniment from the band. Many of the women in the audience sang along . This time I was glad we were seated many rows away from the amplifiers. The girls in front were standing up . I could read the captions on their T shirts. One said Team Cook , the second said Team Castro. The third girl also had Team Cook and their mother had Team Castro on her shirt. But it was not time for their idols yet.


Blonde Kristy Lee , dressed in all white jeans and blouse sang for her third song Lee Greenwood's patriotic God Bless America . The stage was ablaze with the American flag to emphasize patriotism . When she finished , Kristy rewarded the audience with two T shirts she threw to the court. She was soon followed by Irish Singer Carly Smithson who looked slimmer than she did on TV. She wore black tights and a halter blouse which revealed her arm tattoos. She sang in the voice Randy Jackson used to call "pitchy" . The crowd , a few already drunk on wine and wishing for relief, gave her a standing ovation before they rushed to the comfort rooms. Intermission found the crowd milling around the souvenirs and the nachos. I got Cesar an order of Pizza. The girls in front of us were not sleepy at all. There was too much excitement and it was fun waving the souvenir lighted sticks back and forth.
Cesar looked even angrier when he came back from intermission . He had to find a men’s room located half a block away. The second act started with dreadlocked Jason Castro singing " Somewhere Over the Rainbow "accompanying himself with a ukelele. The teens screamed in much higher decibels than the first half of the show.The girls with the Tshirts had their videocellphones capturing every movement Jason made. The kids loved him . They continued screaming through his third song "What a day for a Daydream" . Cesar sat dreaming of the Olympics that he was missing. His binoculars were not helping either because one lens was turning sideways . I was thinking astigmatism of the largavista but aloud I lent him my smaller pair of field glasses.
From the right side of the stage came Syeshia , dressed in all white miniskirt with a halter top=2 0and bare back. She swang her hips and danced in her ankle high silver boots. Just like her performances on TV- she flirted with the musicians, danced a few steps with them then belted her ballads in soaring notes , like listening to Patty Labelle . Syeshia caressed the microphone pole as she sang rhythm and blues. She got a well deserved standing ovation.
The Disneyland- age crowd began to shriek because David Archuleta was next. This 17 year old boy was the darling of the peanut gallery . He sang songs appropriate for broken hearted guys but in public he had admitted not yet having dates , he said he had been too busy singing and studying. His first song was "apologize". The girls knew every lyric and many sang along . The cellphone cameras were busy . This teenage sensation was dressed in a drab brown suit fit for an accountant and his songs were filled with angst. When he sang "Stand By Me" , he pointed to the moon then swept the crowd with his arm ." for as long as you Stand By Me" Sinc erely , he sounded very emotional . In the last stanza of the song, the tempo rose to a more rapid pattern and Archuleta surprised many when he danced .
His last song was again a love ballad to the audience " When you say you love me" . His banter was tinged with shyness as he thanked the people for coming out to support the American Idols. Then he introduced the next singer whom he called a truly amazing man .
He was referring to the 2008 American Idol David Cook who was preceded by sparks of giant smoky lights, flashing mirrors and artificial pyrotechnics with his name in capital letters ,followed by his now famous portrait. I dropped my notes, my pen, my purse to join the screaming crowd who was standing , all arms outstretched. Cesar was appalled by my behavior but behind me grown women who did not need footstools were screaming even louder . The women who were quiet during the first half and who were supposed to be chaperoning the screaming=2 0lilliputians were now behaving as badly at the sound of David Cook's song , "Hello" . He sang under the glare of the spotlight but he waved at the crowd as if he could see each fan. I had earlier made sure to dress in jeans and shirt, to blend in with the crowd and the rock and roll singers but David Cook appeared in a black executive suit as if applying for an undertaker's job. Hello, he sang , waving to his fans and knowing he had to explain his unusual outfit .He joked that he was dressed that way because he was running for president . SCREAM. Then he admitted he was going to Congress to raise awareness for Cancer Advocacy. He thanked the audience who voted him winner by a landslide ( of 12 million vote difference), because now he has a voice to speak for Cancer victims. SCREAM..The only concession to rock and roll was his necktie which was carelessly tied around his collar. He sang his second song with a guitar, all the while walking east and west to include the fans standing there. Behind me the women sang along with Cook . Someone threw a teddy bear center stage . On his way back from stage west, Cook , playing the guitar , bent down to pick up the teddy and parked it between his teeth so he could continue the guitar playing. LOUD SCREAM.
His third song “ There goes my Hero” was quite emotional because he had sung that in honor of his cancer stricken brother who was able to get out of the hospital and attend David’s Idol contest. For an encore, David sang his now famous version of Billie Jean. No one left the arena yet until the 10 idols reappeared for the finale. They sang and marched to “Please don’t stop the Music” which in itself was not remarkable except for one thing. For the past 7 weeks, Michael Johns and David Cook have cooked up a different dance each night . The fans have chronicled these brief dances with their cellphonecorders and have broadcast them in YOUTUBE. It must have started as a joke between these 2 Idol roommates . For about 12 seconds Michael and David would dance a different move in any given city - the robot dance, the ballet move, the watusi, or the Travolta moves, etc. This night the two jokesters mimed a matador and a bull . David was the bull charging towards Michael’s towel. It only lasted 10 seconds but for sure this would be played over and over again by their ever growing fleet of fans. It beats flying to Beijing to watch Michael Phelps win another gold. Ho Hum.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The David Cook Problem


My mother's retired now, and in her newfound ton of time on her hands, she's been watching a lot of TV. Most notably "American Idol." This is all fine and well and good, but she has somehow taken it into her head to become David Cook's biggest fan EVAR.

The other day I got this email from my Mom:

------------

Hello favorite sons Jay and David,

Do me this special favor and humor me seriously by downloading (uploading?) DAVID COOK's new single LIGHT ON from iTunes. I am working on downloading it too but I do not have an IPOD.


Even if I find out how to download it to my PC, I still want you two to separately download it from iTunes. It is very important to me. If you can finnagle Rick to do the same, I will be eternally grateful. I know you are aware that is will cost each of you 99cents- WOW what a bargain when you will be making your MOM's day very happy. Please email me back.

MOM :-D


------------

So I deleted that email, but a few hours later, I received an iTunes gift in my inbox:


And moments later, J'Net told me she received the same gift. You'll notice that it's addressed to "Rex Perez," who is my cousin, so you can deduce that she's sent a David Cook iTunes single AT THE VERY LEAST to me, my brother Jay, Rex, and J'Net. Maybe there's a way I can talk my mother into going back to work...