25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 24: "Four Christmases and a Wedding" Starring Arielle Kebbel and Corey Sevier

It was nice of these filmmakers to make their movie title a syllabus of exactly what we'll be seeing. As if there were any doubt that this type of movie would end any differently. But FOUR Christmases? That seems pretty exhausting. I can barely make it through one fake Christmas per movie.

Plot summary: "When event planner Chloe is hired to plan the local Christmas Festival, she is beyond thrilled to embrace the challenge. Professionally, everything is going great, but much to the dismay of her mother, Chloe confesses she has given up on ever finding Mr. Right. That all changes the night of the opening of the festival when she meets Evan. The two begin a whirlwind romance, but as Christmas Day nears, Chloe learns that Evan is being transferred overseas for work. What follows is three more Christmases where Chloe and Evan cross paths at the annual festival, but each year something - or someone - stands in the way of true love. Will a touch of Santa's magic on their fourth Christmas Eve finally bring them together?"

So this movie promises about an hour long case of romantic blue balls before delivering the big kiss at the end. Fantastic.

Romance Factor: 8 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 7 out of 10

Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 1:27:34

Path: Mark As Bear: Thunder

That's all I got right now. Sorry.

Answers To Last Week's "Which Can, Erickson?"

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Legal note: EADJ does not intend to suggest that these particular bathrooms are hobo friendly, nor are we condoning the outright prohibition of hobos at any of these locations. Also, the hobos we are referring to are the old-fashioned train-riding hobos and we are not poking fun of the very real homeless problem. Here, give to this charity if it makes you feel better.

How To Tell Apart The Different Gangs In Massachusetts

If there's one thing Massachusetts is known for, it's the roving, lawless gang activity. Here is a helpful guide for you to navigate the different violent MA turfs:

1) Greater Boston
gang color:  blue
These inner city thugs will shoot at you from a *pahked cah.*

2) North of Boston
gang color: yellow
Ways they will fuck you up: report you to their homeowner's association

3) Saints of Greater Merrimack Valley
gang color: spring yellow
Main hustle: scalping Red Sox tickets, printing rummage sale flyers

4) Bristol County "The BC"
gang color: forest green
Fave drank: pumpkin spice lattes

5) Plymouth County Brotherhood
gang color: Caucasian green
Gang sign: signal for "we're ready for our check, waiter"

6) Cape Cod Crips
gang color: Pantone 629 (Coated)
Illegal activities: saving a table at a buffet when the sign clearly states to get food first

7) Martha's Muthafuckin Vineyard
gang color: aqua
Weapon of choice: wine corkscrew rabbit

8) Nantucket Islanders
gang color: navy blue
Fun fact: Nantucket is a town, a county, and an island. YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH THAT.

9) "The MW Rough Riders" - MetroWest
gang color: lavender
Most frequent crime: sneaking a free refill at Blimpies

10) Johnny Appleseed's Apostles
gang color: light pink
Gang initiation rite: plant a series of apples along a country road; kill a guy

11) "Centurions" from Central Mass
gang color: barney purple
Favorite hang out: any brick oven pizza place in the area

12) Kings of Greater Springfield
gang color: puce
Popular firearm: Wellspring Grocery pricing gun

13) Hampshire County Bastards
gang color: khaki
Main hustle: getting you to validate their parking even if they didn't buy anything from your store

14) Franklin County Homeboys
gang color: a mix of lavender, puce, barney purple and pink
Number of members: same enrollment number as the Kiwanis Club

15) Berky-Berk Berkshires
gang color: coppertone
Common criminal activity: using expired Groupons

16) Mohawk Trail Mohawks (not to be confused with the Mohawk Native Americans, because that would be racist)
gang color: perforated line
Last known location: wilderness check cashing joint in Clarksburg

SHARK TAGLINES! IN THE WATER!

The ProofrEADJer, Mid-September Edition