UAG

UAG

The ProofrEADJer, Early March Edition

Go back to school, folks!

UAG

"Thinking Of You"- A Subtle Gift

Nothing says you want to bone like sending thick shafts of meat to the one you love.

An Imagined Conversation

"And the design for the new Power Wheels racer is here... VOILA!"

"..."

"Nice, huh? Focus groups really liked the green, but I thought hot orange would've been the favorite."

"Is... is that a wheelchair?"

"No, this is the new Power Wheels Wild Thing! It says right there on the box."

"Trent, it looks an awful lot like a wheelchair. Do we want kids who aren't disabled to play with a wheelchair?"

"Uh... maybe we got off on the wrong foot here, Bart. This was the winning design according to research. And none of the research groups brought up the fact that this resembled in any way a conveyance for the disabled. Nope."

"I see. Now, is there any way to make this not look so much like a wheelchair?"

"You're not hearing me. No one that we showed this design to thought it looked like a wheelchair. I believe maybe your imagination is working a little hard right now ha ha, right Nancy?"

"Keep me the fuck out of this, Trent."

"Look, Trent. We spent an awful lot of money developing and researching the next Power Wheels Wild Thing."

"I know."

"And the last thing we need is to roll out a product to market that looks absolutely like a wheelchair."

"Okay. You may be right about it looking like a wheelchair after all, Bart. But maybe that isn't a bad thing. Maybe this is a sly way to show people that being disabled isn't something to be ignored or ashamed of. Maybe this is a way for kids to learn to have more empathy for people who are differently abled. And maybe... just maybe this could be the product that brings our company to the forefront of a conversation that our society has ignored for too long: how to empower the disabled so that everyone can contribute to and enjoy society on an equal approach to ability/disability."

"Wow. You made that up on the spot, didn't you?"

"TOTALLY! Pretty good, huh? Okay, we'll scrap this and start over, Bart."

UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Spotted on Route 22 In Union, NJ

Here's a truck for a company called "Poppy LLC," featuring a gangsta kid with his baggy pants hung low, inspiring confidence everywhere.

At closer inspection, it turns out "POPPY" stands for "Paycheck Owed Phone Poppy You." What.

For one thing, you can't have the name of the acronym IN the acronym. And what the bing bong shit does "Paycheck Owed Phone Poppy You" mean?

THIS IS THE WORST CAMOUFLAGE FOR A SECRET GOVERNMENT OPERATION EVER.

***Update: I turned on the ol' Google machine and searched for "Poppy LLC." The first result didn't seem like the same company, but the fifth result scarily showed that I wasn't far off:

Poppy Llc is an acitve (sic) carrier operating under United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) Number 2505095. Carrier is licensed to carry hazmat rated materials from the general freight, cargo categories.

HOLY SHIT THAT TRUCK DROVE RIGHT BY ME I'M GOING TO DIE

I Enjoyed This Cut To Commercial During The Last "Breaking Bad"

[Spoiler alert]

Life begins at 50!!!!!!!

After years in the Hollwood, Joel's career in the field of entertainment has taken an exciting new turn:

Joel has been asked to direct a theatrical production!

Meadow Brook Theatre in Detroit Michigan is proud to announce the 12-week run of the Bertram Award winning play "Hats!" With only 584 seats, the back of the house is only 19 rows from the extended stage. Needless to say, sightlines are excellent.


Hats! is a new musical about MaryAnne, who is 49.999 and unhappy about turning The Big Five-Oh. She meets several remarkable Red Hatted women who teach her about fun & friendship after 50 through stories and fabulous songs by Kathie Lee Gifford, Pam Tillis, Gretchen Cryer, Melissa Manchester, Amanda McBroom, Carol Hall & Susan Birkenhead, to name a few.

Joel's special take on this new classic features lots of water spit-takes, rolling of eyes, and holding both hands to heads to convey surprise. Joel has also requested that a drummer be on hand for rimshots. Joel has also required the flying in of dangerous, exotic birds to fly around and shit on people.

The play will run a merciful 45 minutes with assorted crackers, fresh vegetable tray with homemade ranch dipping sauce, assorted nuts, pretzels and other munchies. A personal stash of dick has been set aside for Joel, of course. It's in his contract.