Burning Questions For the Micro Maidens

I saw an ad for the Micro Maidens The Showcase burlesque show, featuring an ensemble of 8 dwarf exotic dancers. "The world's only Micro Female Revue – tiny in size, colossal in spectacle!"

Over each of the Micro Maiden's head is their height, I guess to prove that they're dwarfs and not just scrunched down or doing that Dorf thing.

But over one—no, over the tallest—maiden's head, they show she's 4'12". Now, I haven't been in middle school in decades, but isn't 4'12" the same as 5'00"?

I went on their official website to learn more about these Maidens, and there she is—Summer, in her towering glory!

I know some women make fun of men for not being tall enough, and I certainly don't want to be a man picking on Summer for being too tall in a show that promises dwarf dancers, but you can't just change how measurements work so that you can fit in. If you're going to do that, why not just list it as 3'24"?

That means I am 10'-50" tall. I like the sound of that!

VidCon 2024's Newest Roster Additions!

Social Media's biggest gathering of content creators is back– this time with even more guest appearances! Almost all tickets have been sold now, with these newest additions to the schedule:

• Lumbar Lizard will appear not only WITH his ex-girlfriend/co-content creator but also his EX-DOG!

• Horny-librarian-who-went-viral Cassidy Richmund will be acting as an usher

• Chappell Roan's donut shop co-worker (who still works there) will tell lots of amusing anecdotes about the pop star

• Republican Vice President candidate J.D. Vance will conduct an eyeliner tutorial onstage

• Flash Animation founder Curry Alphonso will walk through the halls asking if anyone needs anything animated

The Answers To Yesterday's Which Can, Cleric's Bun

Did you get them all?

An Imagined Conversation

"Look at this bachelor pad. This place is a dump, and those Scandinavian liquor models are coming over any minute to take us to the Empire Hotel rooftop for some bottle service and to hang with Nikki and Paulo! Hand me the broom, Jeff."

"Broom?! Ha ha, you gotta be kidding me, Rob. We don't have a broom anymore. We're not friggin' dorks, man. We now have a Three To Tango broom, which is all about style!"

"Whoa! Look at that broad sweeper! Can it brush dirt off our bamboo floors like the old broom did?"

"You bet, Rob. It does just as good a job as any old nerdy broom. But this baby has the added bonus of cleaning with fun, festive colors and hologram glitter all over the handle and head!"

"Fuck me! That is so amazingly stylish! And look at it sweep just like a boring, unadorned broom! Look at my striped shirt!"

"And you think that stops with the broom? Oh no, my friend. You can also get a dustpan and brush that is just as stylish and cool." Every step of the sweeping up process has now been made chic and in vogue!"

"It's like we're underwear models on the catwalk now!"

"It's cool cleaning for a hip home like ours, Rob! We are sweeping in style!"

(third bedroom door opens)

"Rob, Jeff, I'm trying to sleep in here but can't because of your loud, effeminate caterwauling about 'sweeping in style.' You guys are fucking pussies. And is that my shirt?!"

A Dose of Randomness

Beth Stone called our attention to a Hallmark store on 40th and Madison that featured some pretty random shit. Like a giraffe playing keyboard (this is before that Samberg SNL skit aired) and a pumpkin wearing a shirt saying "bonjour."


This, however, was the coup de grace:



Like, what the fuck.

Still Thinking About It

No, seriously. What does that shirt mean?

That Barack Obama wields a pair of nunchaku? That Michelle Obama used to be a TV reporter who wore yellow jumpsuits? That Obama will be later radically redesigned for a younger audience after an initial run of gritty and violent comic book appearances?

Maybe it means that a "President Barack Obama" is a fictional idea? That John McCain is a villainous ninjutsu master and leader of the Foot Clan?
And does that make Sarah Palin Bebop or Rocksteady?

It makes about as much sense as this:



MindFAIL.

Let's Ignore The Fact that the EADJ Mail Sack Has Just Made a Pass At Our Mother!

(submitted by Tom Weingard)

Dude look at the picture of this dude. I got a random gmail message from that crapfest WAYN website on behalf of this dude. I have no idea who he is, but this was his profile picture:


His name is like Jerald Williams.