Spotted at Target

 National Geographic presents a Glow-in-The-Dark Crystal Lab:

Sure, Nat Geo. Let's introduce our kids to the concept of cooking CRYSTAL in a LAB. 

"I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!"

UAG

Burning Questions About an FB Ad

An ad spotted in Facebook:

Some questions:

• Can I put Crystal and Chakra Healer Certification on my resume?

• Do I get a handy ID card for my wallet?

• Why is the certification process 85% off all of a sudden?

• Will regular people be able to tell a certified healer from a non-certified one, and how?

• Does being a certified healer protect me from fraud lawsuits?

• Is someone trying to rip me off when all I'm doing is trying to rip other people off?

• How do I *know* if the people certifying me are actually certified themselves?

*** INTERPOL EMERGENCY ***

*** BEGIN TRANSMISSION***

***MON JAN 9 2012•17:05:02 GLOBAL TIME***

ATTENTION ALL AGENTS

THE FOLLOWING WOMAN HAS MISPLACED HER PASSPORT PHOTO IN MANHATTAN
THIS PHOTO IS CRUCIAL TO HER GOING BACK TO INDIA
THE PHOTO WAS LOCATED IN THE KIPS BAY MOVIE THEATRE ON JAN 2 2012:09:17:46 GLOBAL TIME
AS THE PHOTO WAS FOUND IN THE LOBBY, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHICH MOVIE SHE HAD COME TO SEE
WE HAVE NARROWED THE POSSIBLE MOVIES THAT SHE ATTENDED TO THE FOLLOWING:

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE- GHOST PROTOCOL
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE- GHOST PROTOCOL (3D)
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN (3D)
WE BOUGHT A ZOO
WAR HORSE
ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED
SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS
NEW YEAR'S EVE
TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY
YOUNG ADULT
HUGO (3D)
THE DESCENDANTS

ACTUALLY, IN RETROSPECT, THE WOMAN PROBABLY DID NOT GO TO SEE NEW YEAR'S EVE. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT STEAMING TURD

WE MUST LOCATE THIS WOMAN AND RETURN THE PHOTO TO HER SO THAT SHE CAN VISIT HER HOMELAND OF INDIA

WE ARE NOT BEING RACIST IN ASSUMING THAT SHE IS INDIAN, AS SHE CLEARLY IS WEARING THE TRADITIONAL SARI AND VERMILION BINDI ON HER FOREHEAD

SURE, THAT COULD BE ANOTHER COUNTRY OTHER THAN INDIA BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT, REALLY

AND JUDGING FROM THE EXPRESSION ON HER PHOTO, THIS WOMAN IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT GOING BACK TO HER HOMELAND OF INDIA BUT MUST DO SO OUT OF A SENSE OF DUTY TO HER SISTER KADHAPRIYA

BUT SERIOUSLY, NEW YEAR'S EVE.
WHO WOULD GO SEE THAT

Umm, No.

A display spotted at Blockbuster Video(?):


Then this was disturbing:


Unless that's the only way you can get an erection, I wouldn't recommend putting a sinister anarchist killer played by a dead actor wherever "the magic happens."

I also like how feminine that bedroom in the photo looks. Like Aunt Judy decided to have the Joker watch over her restless legs syndrome.

Other terrible places to put a Joker standup:
• in the bathroom at a wayward school for girls
• on the front stoop at Mary Kate Olsen's apartment in Soho
• behind a CVS pharmacy counter
• any crime scene
• in the back seat of Paula Abdul's car
• Graceland
• with a loaded gun in a crowded club with a certain NFL star who got in trouble for doing that exact thing
• India
• in one of the cars at the Hershey's Great American Chocolate Tour ride
• in a waiting room at a cosmetic surgeon's office
• in a failing video store chain

Let's Change the Favorites On the EADJ Mail Sack's TV Remote Just To Annoy It!

Submitted by Emily Kane, "Separated At Birth?"

They're Back!