The EADJ Fashion Round-Up Look Book: The Fall 2016 Collection

London • Paris • Milan • New York

Just finished your shift at P.F. Chang's? Take off your kimono or else people on the subway will rely on you for protection.

(submitted by Andrew Gall) It takes a confident man to pee over his uneaten nachos.

Nothing fails to stop traffic like this ensemble featuring a full length fur coat, a designer knockoff bag with matching brown shoes and the saddest knit cap this side of Jamiroquai.

I bet she's a conductor. Get it? Conductor!

Woe to the person who this all denim hombre is heading for with that caulk gun and banana.

Beating A Dead, Frozen Shark

A Couple of Things

1) You're running for Congress? Good for you.

2) You know your parents despised you, right?

Let's Tap Our Cigarette Ash Into the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted via IM by Bill Dow, a quick anecdote about him and his fiancée:




Way to spoil a good story, Pewter Bear. You're probably one of those types that people invite to a party, like once. Cuz once you get there and start spouting off your know-it-all, insufferable pie hole full of facts, the word spreads that you're a detestable, unimaginably withering puke of a shitstain. Read these next three words slowly and carefully, Pewter Bear, so that it can enter that thick pewter brain of yours: NOBODY LIKES YOU. Oh, and: DIE.

Anyway, thanks to Bill for letting me publish that!

Meanwhile, In The Project Fountain Briefing Room...

*** SUPER HELLAJERALD UPDATE ***

“A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.”
-Mark Twain

The planets are lining up for the big EADJ Jerald meeting on Saturday. And with that, an additional variable has been entered in the equation: EADJ Ambassador John Reid has agreed to go with us to MEET JERALD!

What this will do to the delicate political balance of the conference is unknown. Stay tuned for the latest analysis from Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, and Darva Conger.

In related Jerald Lunch news, J'Net not-very-politely declined an invitation to join the group. She was overheard to say, "Whatever."

SHOCKER!!

Sources have not confirmed this yet, but apparently Joel did NOT eat dick yesterday.

Four think tanks in Washington are trying to come up with a theory to explain this astounding aberration. Their theories so far:

• Joel really did eat dick, but he lied that he didn't.

• Joel somehow found the Invisible Man

• Lent?

• The security cameras that usually record Joel eating dick were for some reason turned off by Joel's chimp servant.

• Joel has found a hole to another dimension where he can eat an infinite amount of new dick while looking like he never ate a single dick in this dimension.

• That Joel just dropped the ball, and this universe is about to invert on itself.

(pictured above, Old Navy introduces the new Jessica Foster line)