Spotted In A Duane Reade Store

On a package of 3-D Valentine's cards:

Hope, thy name is SATAN.

Super Bowl®™ Ad Pre-Broadcast Roundup

EADJ was fortunate to receive a DVD with all of next Sunday's Super Bowl commercials. Here is a pre-game roundup review of our favorite commercials which the rest of you have yet to watch:

1) The men from "Duck Dynasty" shave their beards with the new Gillette ProGlide to reveal that they're really the "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" guys. A+

2) Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal sell the extra A's in their names for the delicious scrumptiousness of Duncan Hines Yellow Cake Mix. But does it make any sense? No. D

3) A transforming giant moose made of refrigerators takes a dump into Lake Placid for the new Kindle. B+

4) 15 seconds of a fully erect penis, followed by the Godaddy.com logo and Danica Patrick not showing anything. C-

5) MUTHAFUCKING CLYDESDALES AGAIN???!?!?!?!?!? F-

6) A fan-generated commercial for Doritos totally rips off a fan-generated commercial for Heinz Ketchup, resulting in two fan-generated attorneys to fan-duke it out in fan-court. (Grade pending)

7) Justin Bieber does a serious PSA about underage drinking and responsibility, saying that... JUST KIDDING! It's totally a viral trailer for "SUPERBAD 2: The New Blood," starring Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and introducing Elle Fanning as McLovin's hard partying sister Cassandra! C+

8) Sarah Palin and Katie Couric bury the hatchet for a Klondike Bar. Sarah dumbly holds the package upside down. D+

9) The surviving members of the Beastie Boys, TLC, Queen and Def Leppard ask you if you're jellin' with Dr. Scholl's Massaging Insoles. F--------

10) Local station ad for an upcoming flea market. No special effects, celebrities, cast reunions or Clydesdales: C+

6 Lies Told By The CIA Spy Exhibit Brochure

1) Not everything revealed in this exhibit has been declassified. And not everything that has been declassified is revealed in this exhibit.

2) The exhibit doesn't actually feature someone doing a soft shoe dance on the sidewalk. That's outside.

3) "Discovery: More Than a Museum." Nope. It's pretty much a museum.

4) Visitors are not encouraged to stroke the glass cases. In fact, if you're within 6 inches of a display case, an alarm goes off and you'll suddenly find yourself in a holding pen in Guantanamo Bay. You think I'm kidding?!

5) Kids who dream of becoming secret agents can only fully experience the world of espionage by selling sensitive government documents to foreign nations by way of their embassy in exchange for money or political asylum.

6) "Navigating laser beams" actually means "rolling on top of a supermarket scanner like a dumbass until it beeps."

EADJ is proud to announce that the "6 Lies Told" series is now a new college course taught at the Rio Salado College in Tempe, Arizona. The course covers everything from brochures to the six lies that each one tells in graphic detail. 

The completion of the course counts towards a degree in Dental Assisting or Law Enforcement Technology but can be also used towards a simple framed Certificate of Completion for $15.99.