Spotted On A Morning Walk

Friggin' terrifying.

Spotted at Target

Queen Mum?

Let's Use The Swiffer Wet Jet On The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Tom Weingard, a loud fan distracts a UNC free throw with the Miley Cyrus song "Wrecking Ball."

"Seen this? I love it so very much." -Tom

Figure 1.1- A Graph I Made

Click to enlarge, print, and display at your food cart

Get It Right! Clarification Corner 3

Get it right! Michael Cera is a comedic TV and movie actor known for his roles in Arrested Development and Superbad. John Cena is a 4-time World Champion professional wrestler for the WWE.


Michael Cera is known for his roles as goofy, awkward teenagers. John Cena is known for his signature "You Can't See Me!" taunt and his slogan "Word Life (???!??!?!?!?!?)."


Michael Cera has typically played opposite cute, quirky girls in movies that are SO INDIE, that their titles are HAND LETTERED. John Cena has occasionally been photographed doing some bizarro drunk shit with his girlfriend:



Michael Cera sang with Ellen Page in the movie Juno:


Uh, John Cena sometimes raps:




Last year, Michael Cera won a Canadian Comedy Award for Best Actor for Superbad. John Cena has often declared himself "The Doctor of Thuganomics."

EADJ: The People Connector

(pictured above, the first sign that a date ain't going so hot)

We've always known that the influence of the Eat a Dick Joel blog has been far-reaching, but we had no idea how it could actually reunite long-lost acquaintances. There have been two of these "EADJ Encounters" reported as of this writing:

A certain party nicknamed "Balls" who has asked to remain anonymous, although her real name is Michelle Litos, reported that some dude from college tracked her down by Googling her, finding her name on the blog, and then writing to the EADJ administrator to get her email address. This remarkable tenacity can only be described as EXTREMELY FUCKING CREEPY.

Another anonymous reader who we'll call "Mister Gall" told EADJ that some random guy contacted him on his myspace page with the subject line "Tava Smiley is hotter, barely." This can only mean that the reader tracked down Andrew through the EADJ entry from just two days ago!

The cultural influences of EADJ are vast and immeasurable. So to those of you who went to college with Lauren Fontinel and would like to stalk her, you can actually write to her at lfontinel@c-k.com or mail her at:

Lauren Fontinel
c/o Cramer-Krasselt
225 North Michigan
24th Floor, Team Brownie
Chicago, IL 60601
(312)616-9600

Cheers, stalkers!


***SUPER-RELEVANT SEXUAL PREDATOR UPDATE***
Ranee Wu has just reported that a couple of people, including some dude she used to date, found her through the blog. "weird. it's creepy because you know they google our names," she wrote without using caps.

Clarification Corner

Get it right!


Get it right, people!

Tava Smiley is the 80 lb. host of TLC's Clean Sweep, where she jumps around in non-heavy-labor-appropriate outfits and enthusiastically tells doughy couples she would never speak to in real life to throw their shit out. Tavis Smiley is the former host of The Tavis Smiley Show on NPR, and currently hosts Tavis Smiley on PBS, where he gives rambling, inarticulate interviews while wearing ill-fitting suits.



Get it right!

Born and raised in Missouri, Tava Smiley earned a degree in communications at the University of Missouri. Tavis Smiley attended Indiana University and received his bachelor's degree in law and public policy in 1986.



Get it right!

Tava Smiley has been in crappy shows like General Hospital, Nash Bridges, and Walker, Texas Ranger. The only crappy show Tavis Smiley has appeared on is the Moesha spinoff The Parkers, aka Mo'Nique on UPN (this is not a racist joke. Go ahead and doublecheck that shit on imdb.com).

Get it right!

I would happily bang both of them. How about you, Pewter Bear?


Shut the fuck up already, Pewter Bear. Your opinions, hell, your whole life, is worth shit, alright? Die a slow and miserable death, you insufferable smegma. What were we talking about, again?