Random Shit That Looks Like Ninja Turtles, Part IV

The EADJ Fiverr Experiment: A Major Setback

Hey, remember yesterday when we were so excited for someone to guest write a blog entry for us? Well, it's already a bust.

"Report me"?! For what? So not only does this person back out of the deal, she feels like she needs to report me for some reason. Mind you, there was nothing about my original communication that warranted any reporting. My only guess is that she was somehow offended by the name of the blog. Maybe she has a boyfriend or husband named Joel. Maybe she can't handle the challenge of writing an Ugly Andrew Gall from scratch. 

Shoot. Thanks for nothing.

T-Mobile Girl's New Image

Those of you who forgot to fast forward through commercials might have noticed that the bubbly, fresh-faced spokesgirl for T-Mobile has a new, overhauled, badass motorcyclist image.

 

EADJ has spoken to T-Mobile insiders about her image shift and got the following info about it:

• She just broke up with her longtime European model boyfriend Diego and reportedly wants to "rub the coochie on some strange."

• Although she's been trying her darnedest, she cannot be a bigger bitch than Danica Patrick.

• She got a tattoo that reads "Slide to unlock" along her belly.

• Due to the all-leather outfit, whenever she tries to sneak into a theatre for a free movie, she gets caught by the ticket taker.

• She now tags shit.

• She has taken self-defense classes and will elbow the fuck out of your eye socket if you resist trying the new HTC® Amaze™ 4G smartphone with an 8 Megapixel Camera and Microsoft^® Exchange integration!

• Her farts now exit out her pleather neckhole.

• Decades from now, people will discover she was a Prototype Series 1000 "liquid metal" Terminator sent by Skynet from the future to terminate John Connor's younger self. She did not succeed.

• Unwanted advances from skeezy old biker dudes have quintupled.

Let's Almost Forget To Submit A Daily Entry For The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Matt S., a piece of obvious (and generic) plot summary for "House."

Kathy From Yesterday Was Right.

Some of those Sneak Peek possibles might be regular EADJ entries. Like the "Wolfman Decrees" one inspired Matt S to submit a captcha:

Preface this image with "Diagnosed with..."

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with How To Set Up a Remote Connection To Your Workplace Using VPN (Windows Only)

From another location, you can connect to a workplace network or another network by using a virtual private network (VPN) connection. Ask your network administrator for the name of the VPN server before you open the wizard.

Open the Connect to a Workplace wizard by clicking the Windows "Start" button, clicking "Control Panel," clicking "Network" and "Internet," clicking "Network and Sharing Center," clicking "Set up a connection or network," and then clicking "Connect to a workplace."

And speaking of clicking, if I hear someone in the back of my limo messing with the door locks for no goddam reason, you can bet I'm dropping their ass off at the next corner. Rules is rules, people.

Let's Slap a Saddle on the EADJ Mail Sack and Ride It To Cactus Gulch!

Submitted by Beth Stone, a strangely sexually-charged McDonald's paper sack:


It's illegible, but the copy below the provocative headline reads: "At McD's, we serve you the kind of sausage we like to eat, with 0% filters and 0% extenders."


And if that weren't enough proof that Ronald is sporting a chub underneath his yellow pantsuit, here's a recent McDonald's print ad featuring the world's most famous porn star:

Let's Insert a Moistened Pinky into the EADJ Mail Sack!

(pictured above, a submission by a very bored Vince)