UAG

Making Douches With Bottles of Beer.

If the previous issue were any indication, August's issue of Wassup! Magazine was sure to be full of photos of douchebags doing backwards devil horn hand signals. But surprisingly, this was not the case. The magazine itself proved to be hard to find, since most bars in the Wicker Park area simply toss the stack of free magazines in the trash shortly after they are delivered. And you thought Cans had no taste!


The cover, at least, promised plenty of poor wardrobe choices and general cheesecock douchery. I also suspect that the cover's art director is a big Minnesota Vikings fan.


But a few pages in, EADJ was shocked to see such a dearth of devil horns.




Only until the very end of the issue were there any backwards devil horns. This one photo singlehandedly made the douche quota for Wassup! Magazine's editorial staff, ensuring another six months of funding by the National Endowment of the Arts and the Illinois Association of Journalists.



***CORRECTION: The photo labeled "Mothers 2" is actually The Windy City Inn.***

Dongtastic! Cocktabulous!

Some people have complained that Joel doesn't give them enough eye contact because he's always focusing on the dick that he's eating. And many of these same people aren't even having their dicks eaten at the time, so that's sort of a double whammy.

So to all of you folks who have recently tried to have a conversation with Joel but couldn't maintain eye contact with him, Joel offers this form letter:

Hey. Sorry about not looking you directly in the eye while we were discussing ___________. Attention to your issue is of vital importance to me, but so is chomping down massive amounts of cock. So I had to prioritize. Please don't feel that I don't take ___________ seriously enough because I'm cupping balls against my half-shaven chin at the same time (I love it when it makes that skritch skritch sound!). I just have to multi-task these days. So, thanks for reading! GO SANJAYA! – Joel

(pictured above, a DJ whose URL doesn't work anymore)