More InfoWars Conspiracy Stories To Look Out For

Despite having the pants sued off of him for promoting previous conspiracy theories, Alex Jones continues to spread new dubious stories that his audience just EATS UP like Skoal flavored jerky. Here are the latest that he's planning to release into the air:

• Every democrat in Congress is actually an android piloted by hamsters. Extremely LIBERAL hamsters.

• No one ever purchased anything from a Sharper Image store when they were around because none of the merchandise was ever really for sale. The stores were actually mini CIA branch offices. 

• The new plastic trays in packages of OREOS are actually shaped differently to make room for surveillance listening equipment underneath.

• Those machines in women's bathrooms that give out free tampons? Communism.

• Due to inflation, you now have to say "Blood Mary" in the mirror 4 times instead of 3 for her to show up. Damn Biden administration!

Random 7-11 Shelf Fun

I don't know if you've ever tried this particular flavor of Coca-Cola, but imagine toxic waste combined with stale sweetener. Still better than a Pepsi, though.

This is for the ULTIMATE peanut butter lovers who don't want to fuck around with some chocolate covering on a Reese's. Why? Because it's not peanut butter! I imagine actual ultimate peanut butter lovers are just scooping straight out of a peanut butter jar into their mouths.

I'm not sure if this sign is up for health code reasons, for public safety reasons, or just because they were sick of seeing dumbasses burn their fingers. 

"We Must Live Together As Brothers or Perish Together As Pathmark.”

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

*cocks gun*

"Senator, you will have two minutes for a rebuttal. But interrupt your opponent again during this debate and I'll have to shoot you in the kneecaps."

"Well, shit. I guess we should've included a lock picker and a getaway driver."

"Man, the neighborhood watch around here sucks, and I love it!"

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🌮

 ❤️

🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🌮🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

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*there is no dialogue in this movie because of deeds, not words

Goodbye to the Things That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye bye! Goodbye! 

UAG

My Favorite Aaron Spelling Show From the 90s

Organic Banana 94011