Yogurt Entry

 

Bitches be lovin' some yogurt, but they live very active lifestyles and need to have their yogurt on the go. So companies have bent over backward to provide both efficient yogurt delivery conveyances and developing products that move with bitches' active lifestyles.

 

One product in particular is Go-Gurt by Yoplait. They've taken the squeeziness of a delicious ice cream push-up and have applied it to fermented yogurt cultures! DELISH!

 

But apparently people are slurping it up, because it's been a General Mills bestseller since 1999.

 

The other way yogurt has been made more accessible is by the rise of yogurt trucks (at least in NYC).

Woe is the guy drunk in the middle of the day who stumbles up to what he thinks is a Mister Softee truck and he gets a mouthful of froyo. If he's drunk enough, he might not be able to tell the difference, so it's cool.

Many companies are jumping on this yogurt truck bandwagon. Here now are some nomenclature suggestions should any of these startups need a name:

• Mo' Money, Yo' Toppings

• Humphrey YoGart

• The YoGurt Go-Curt

• Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo, Check It Out

• We Can't Legally Call It Ice Cream

• Barack YObamagurt

• 'Gurt You Yo It's True

• Brogurt (for men only)

• Make It So-gurt- a Star Trek:The Next Generation-themed brand of frozen yogurt

• Yo-Gertrude Stein

•  Perry Ellis Yogurt- the Perry Ellis brand has been out of the spotlight for a while now, and this would be a golden opportunity for Perry Ellis to introduce themselves to a new generation of consumers- in this case, via high quality frozen yogurt.

• AreYOla- topless frozen yogurt van with stripper servers

• EbYOla Virus

• Oy-Gurt- yogurt served by English skinheads. Get 10 yogurts for a free punch in the neck.

• BoGurt- a van where former American Idol star Bo Bice will serve you frozen yogurt. You will not recognize him.

• TU ORGY- an "edgy" version of the frozen yogurt van, brought to you by VICE Magazine. They make fun of your clothes while you order and tell you all about the blood sacrifice ceremony of the shamans on the Indonesian island of Sumba.

• John Fogerty's Yogurty- you got to hidey-hide...

• Tyler Perry's Yogurt- Serves only one flavor. Guess what it is.

Uh, No Thanks

Pictured below, I change my mind about buying some breakfast yogurt for my son after noticing the batch lot number.

***Star Wars, Episode VI: The Return of the SFVOSP***

The Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson. When he rains, he pours. Andrew Gall spotted the less towering, less svelte copy of Scott Peterson on the way to work today. This is his submittal:

Things we've learned about the SFVOSP this morning:

---he wears Tommy Hilfiger carpenter jeans
---he reads the Sun Times
---he enjoys yogurt

There was a near-confrontation when a woman briskly exited the elevator, bumping the arm of our bulging brother-in-arms. But nothing happened. He exited quickly on 22.

(pictured above, Vince's rendering of the SFVOSP. It should be noted that Vince has NOT seen this person and is basing his drawing on Andrew's description)

UPDATE: EADJ reporters will make a complete list of all businesses operating on the 22nd floor and slowly deduce the SFVOSP's place of work.