UAG

UAG

Oh, Fuck You, CNN.

(pictured above, live breaking news)

Let's Spread the EADJ Mail Sack Open With Our Fingers, Then Hock a Loogey Into It To Lubricate It!

(below, a submission by our Boulder correspondent Mel Kreilein: John Reid's mongo jar of muscle protein with a wristwatch, you know, for scale.)


Writes Mel:

"Von Steed and his Mass Tech

bwahahahahah.

He's gonna kill me."

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Tongue

Thursday is typically a difficult day of the week for Joel. It usually involves waking up in the drunk tank at the police station, getting the dick(s) out of your mouth and finding a way to get to work– just in time– at the quarry.

(The quarry, you say? Yes, it's true. Joel has landed a full-time, steady job at the Lamisil quarry in Modesto. There he works with 4 different quarry teams, or "rock squads," who mine precious Lamisil from the quarry every day.)

Today, however, Joel didn't make it to the quarry on time and was reprimanded. The foreman didn't even let Joel touch his dick. He just bitched him out in his trailer and sent him home early. Joel was understandably crestfallen and hungry.

It's times like this that Joel is glad to have bought that chest freezer in the garage. Emergency dick storage is something he learned in home ec.

(pictured above, Lauren F gets a black tongue from either drinking too much Pepto Bismol or blowing a squid.)

UPDATE: Mystery solved!