Some Unanswered Plot Questions from Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City", Season 2

Of all the colorful neighborhoods in Colorforms City, why do visitors go to the Red Light District first?

Is the informant that ratted out Charlie's meth operation still alive?

How did Milo smuggle gun parts into the prison?

Will Mayor Sunbeam's history of human trafficking affect his chances at reelection?

Is that your dog?

Has the Colorforms gang war with Shrinky Dink City gotten worse? 

UAG

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the dashing Dobermann with the curvy tail

Me: the Shiba Inn sniffing all the owners

Hey, handsome! Not much to say except NICE BALLS! I bet they smell great. Call me!

You: the Cane Corso, whatever that is

Me: the energetic Border Collie with the sparkly collar that says PIZAZZ

Yoooooooooo. Let's hang out. I need friends! Hey, where you going?

You: the Cocker Spaniel mix

Me: the German Shepherdish mix

Nice to meet you, cocker! I didn't catch your name because there was so much noise. I live in the neighborhood that smells like dead fish. Drop by sometime! 

💖💖💖💖

Aerobed. A Family Company.

Aerobed is sending a clear message to its customers: their line of air mattresses– whether it's the 17" One-Touch Comfort or the Elevated Queen 18"Airbed– are NOT to be used for premarital sex. PERIOD.

Aerobed, whose parent company is the Wichita, Kansas based Coleman Company, Inc., is making it abundantly clear that they will not tolerate unmarried intercourse on their inflatable vinyl beds. Their patented stability base provides extra support for married house guests who are staying over, not for two lust-addled young people to hungrily fuck without committing to the eternal vows of matrimony.

Even their box graphics clearly show a young couple not just betrothed but 100% married, as indicated by the happy groom's prominent band. So if they do agree to engage in sexual congress on this airbed, whereby he takes his erect penis and thrusts it into her moistened, lubricated vagina, it's allowed under the eyes of God and not some tawdry, illicit affair that would damn their souls to hell.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Hey, you can be as badass as you want, but look under your foot– you still belong to Andy.

If you're a T-Rex and you get all blinged out, you only have yourself to blame if your tiny arms can't push past all the chains on your neck.

I'm having a lot of problem with the idea of scale in this cover. Is the gorilla– and thus the samurai armor and sword– giant Godzilla-sized, or is Godzilla the size of a regular gorilla with the pagoda now as a miniature?

I thought that guy was sporting an African American mullet but then realized the "back part" was actually the body of a dinosaur. Yeah, that makes a ton more sense.

Empowering? A parody of empowering? A parody of fake empowerment through the co-opting of stereotypical misogynistic hip hop imagery? Or just dumb?

Hard to look badass with falling leaves. Nice attempt, though.

This is fine as is. Stet.

This has to be breaking some kind of Safe Food Handling law.

Hey, can we stop making parody covers of other albums in mixtapes, please?

Please?

Come on guys, please?

Not sure if that model knew that a giant tan word SHIT would be slapped on her ass after the fact.

She say she ready, but do she really? How we know if she tell the truth if we no take her word for it?

Pathmarked For Death

The EADJ Pun Cops: The Equalizer (Classic TV Show, Non-Denzel) Edition

"Well, hello. I see you've seen my newspaper ad and have left me a message on my answering machine for help with your situation. I understand the urgency and the sensitivity of your dilemma, and I'm here to help, I assure you. Shall we get started? Excellent."

"'Reggae Bash?' As in the gentleman is about to bash the camera with his fists? No, I cannot say that this is a pun at all. Are you sure this wasn't a misfiled EADJ entry into 'This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness?' I believe so."

[Waves gun at mixtape producers until they scurry away]

"Oh, dear. It looks like Chick-Fil-A have overstepped their boundaries of good puns. 'Sear to sear' isn't even close, and 'You go, grill' is just moan-worthy. Well, let's not tarry, shall we?"

[Guns down entire Chick-Fil-A marketing department, adjusts tie]

"Oh, I see. I am familiar with the music of Queen- seeing how they are from the same country as I- so there might be a bit of leniency in order here. I'll allow it. For just this once."

[Fires blanks at newspaper editors until they wet their pants. Adjusts sleeves of his blazer]

"Great God. That is terrible. Terrible. Terrible."

[Pulls RPG out of trunk of Jaguar. Blows entire area to smithereens]

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-October Harvest Edition

An Imaginned Conversationne

"Philippe."

"Donne."

"I mustte say, I don'tte appreciate you leaving your garbagge in frontte of my Olde Curiosity Shoppe."

"I don'tte know whatte you're talking aboutte."

"You keepe leaving your goddamnne sackes of old bagels and napkinnes in frontte of my doorway. It's cluttering my entrance and blockking the waye for my custommers."

"What custommers?! Noboddye ever visitts your dusty olde shittehole."

"Fuckke you. I gette plenty of custommers."

"Likke who? Walk-innes from people givving up fromme waiting for a table at my Bagel Shoppe?"

"Thatte is unfaire."

"Unfaire butte true."

"You know Philippe, you shouldn't be surprised if someone threwwe a burning rocking chairre through your frontte windowwe sometimme."

"Is that a threatte?"

"Thatte's a promisse, motherfuckkerre."