Garden Hose Reel Was Depressed.

Garden Hose Reel was depressed.

Cooking Pot was horrified.

Bike Rack Bracket was shocked.

Shit On the Side of a Building was confused.

Other Shit On the Side of a Building was at a loss for words.

More Unsolicited Taglines For A Bad Canadian Horror Movie Nobody Saw

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Pathmark by Robert Frost

Pathmarked For Death

How I Eat One Of Those Cracker Sticks 'N Cheese Pack Thingies

1. Chuck that stupid red spreader. Useless.

 

2. Grab the first cracker stick and scoop a good 75% of cheese substance with it.

 

3. Grab a second cracker stick and scoop another 20% of cheese substance with it.

 

4. The third cracker stick is for scraping the remaining 5% cheese substance, thus screwing the other three remaining cracker sticks.

 

5. Shit.

 

6. Buy another Crackers 'N Cheese Pack Thingie and dive into the new wealth of cheese substance!

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When I say Joel you say Eat Dick. Joel! Eat Dick! Joel! Eat Dick!

Joel toured the state, speaking to high school kids about the dangers of drinking and driving while eating dick. To each school assembly, he brought his now-famous dashboard-and-dudes-lap demo prop. He showed how difficult it was to drive and eat dick, especially while drunk and playing "Beautiful" by James Blunt on the car radio. Some kids fainted. A couple of "cool kids" laughed.

(pictured above, fur coat and pajama bottoms)