A Short Word On the Squishy Stress Toy Bin At Staples

Good God, Staples. What in the Chernobyl shut down is going on in your stress ball display? This is supposed to be a safe shopping environment, with a friendly impulse-buy display right by the registers to offer some fun, stress-relieving tchotchkes while customers are waiting.

Instead, due to poor maintenance or cheap product design, there's a layer of gross muck sitting at the bottom of each shelf– each featuring a different ooze and texture. 

And that slop ends up on the OTHER squishies that haven't leaked yet, so the entire thing is gross and untouchable. And frankly—ironically—stressful.

FIX IT OR DO AWAY WITH IT, STAPLES.

A Sneak Peek At This Year's CES Exhibits

The Consumer Electronics Show is slated for June 20 of this year in Denver, and both investors and electronics fans are gearing up to check out the newest gadget innovations. EADJ has acquired a list of the most anticipated exhibits:

• a combination Roomba/couples therapist

• a salad spinner gun that shoots cherry tomato "bullets"

• a device that only picks up radio signals and plays different "radio stations"

• a Coca-Cola jukebox that dispenses warm Pepsi whenever you request Three Doors Down

• a washer/dryer that does both badly and takes up twice the space of other units

• vape cigarettes that smell like Axe Body Spray-saturated balls

Some Unanswered Plot Questions from Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City", Season 2

Of all the colorful neighborhoods in Colorforms City, why do visitors go to the Red Light District first?

Is the informant that ratted out Charlie's meth operation still alive?

How did Milo smuggle gun parts into the prison?

Will Mayor Sunbeam's history of human trafficking affect his chances at reelection?

Is that your dog?

Has the Colorforms gang war with Shrinky Dink City gotten worse?