Showing posts with label paddy wagons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paddy wagons. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Female Hormones and Their Effect On Craftmaking



Delusional behavior sometimes happens to women during pregnancy. The process of bringing life to the world is often accompanied by unexpected complications and imbalance. The woman goes through a series of physical and hormonal changes during this period which are often accompanied by erratic behavior and the desire to make a mold of their distended abdomen for craft purposes. This tendency is known as "belly casting,' and often occurs in towns that have one of those "paint your own pottery on a really shitty date" places.

Many women experience belly casting during menstrual periods, but the intensity of belly casting during pregnancy and its implications are far greater. The remedies for these attacks are simple, and if applied at the right time in the right way, they can fend off regrettable damage to the mother's and child's home decor.

The causes of belly casting during pregnancy are numerous. The feeling of insecurity and the fear of unknown pains and procedures grip the mind of the women on most of the occasions; moreover, the hormonal changes occur at a very fast pace. Medicine also causes side effects, and as result, the level of taste of a pregnant woman becomes very compromised. How else can a household explain having a misshapen multi-colored papier-mâché eyesore with "Colton" written on it on the dining room table?

The first and the most basic way to treat potential belly casting is to remove all yarn, craft scissors, glitter blue and googly eyes from your pregnant wife's sight. Secondly, the woman should be provided with proper activities like doing hard drugs to prevent any possible craftmaking or scrapbooking. Amen.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Let's Smoke the EADJ Mail Sack!


(submitted by Tom Weingard, via email)
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"I met a dude on the chairlift in aspen who’s from around where I’m from in philly and I gave him my email because he said his nephew was looking for ad agencies in nyc, who I have since helped. The dude went out there on a trip by himself which I thought was ballsy and I immediately thought ’gay’, but of course I don’t know. Then he sent me this recently after having a couple email passes...

Where do you work anyway. What do you do again?
Something in advertising right.

I am a Banker. I have a pretty good job. I cannot complain about money. I am overpaid really.

I travel an hour each day so that part is expensive with the gas.
I'm 42. I have a house. I bet you are under 30. Do you rent an apartment in NY? The funny thing is we had our ski stuff on the time I met you and all I remember is you were taller than me I think with dark hair. Not sure really.

I don't have lots of money or anything but I have the use of credit cards. I figure what am I saving my money for anyway.
Get out to Aspen again. What is it a money issue???

Well I will talk to you later.

*name*


Is this dude trying to hit on me?"

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What do YOU think, dear reader? Frankly, I can't think of anything straight that can come after "I met a dude on a chairlift."

Also, who the fuck writes down someone's email on a chairlift?