UAG

UAG

Friggin' Priorities.

Spotted in a Sesame Street fire safety coloring book:

Despite burning clothes, fur and the possibility of third degree burns all over his flesh, Cookie Monster makes sure he does NOT drop his cookie.

Wait a minute. He didn't have cookies during "stop" and "drop," so where did that cookie come from?

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

I Can't Believe There's Another Off-Brand TP Roundup

Just when we thought we'd seen every last generic brand of toilet paper, we go take a poop somewhere public and are confronted with yet another EADJ bit (or bits, since the paper is so fragile).

Brand: Green Heritage

Label: Wavy green leaves, separated by undulating white lines.

Feels Like: Wiping with somebody's old family tree chart.

Brand: Keep It Green

Label: What looks like a piece of sod, decorated with a butterfly and a FOOTBALL?!

Feels Like: Getting blitzed by linebackers in your ain-hole.

Brand: Slurp Ass Surpass

Label: Brown tobacco leaves or brown coffee beans, plus a disturbing asterix near the name (is that a drawing of an asshole?)

Feels Like: Falling off the back seat of a motorcycle in short shorts and landing on the back tire at 80mph.

Brand: Soft Touch

Label: Plain lettering over a Tiffany blue background

Feels Like: Somebody lied.