UAG

UAG

EADJ Fashion Roundup: The "OR" Edition

Muppet? Or Kevin from "Up?"

 Bassist for OK Go? Or Wooly Willy option?

Chelsea Hipster in Skinny Jeans? Or Hulk Half-Angry?

New Money? Or Time-Traveling Prostitute from the 70s?

The NJ Transit Survey Brochure Models: What Would They Drive?

It certainly has been a long enough time (June 2014, to be exact) since we visited the models in the baffling NJ Transit brochure. Today we ponder the question, if they didn't have to ride on a commuter train to work, what type of car would these motherfuckers drive? Here now is a fun, rhetorical exercise:

1. Jesse: 1972 Cutlass Supreme

The rugged lines and powerful motor of the 1972 Cutlass Supreme would go to waste with Jesse as its owner, whose slack ass would turn it quickly into a "hoarder car" filled with cheeseburger wrappers.

2. Jess: 1997 Pontiac Grand Am

An average gal like Jess, driving an average, champagne (!) colored piece of shit Pontiac? That seems about right.

3. Angie: 2009 Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport

What can we say? Angie applies herself.

4. Trina: 1993 Chevy Lumina Van (Blue)

One would think with cleavage flashing like that, that Trina would end up with a nicer car. But here's what you don't understand: Trina has a bad back from her boobs and needs to load groceries from Costco without straining. It's a medical thing. Try not to judge.

5. Don With The Thumbs: 2003 Ford Taurus

Who's got two thumbs and tools around in an unremarkable rental car? THIS GUY

6. Simon Peter: Goat Cart, Circa 1926

Simon Peter is a suck-up and an idiot. This is what he deserves. Fuck him.

This Week in Hip Hop Awfulness

Here's the latest and greatest in surprising and confusing hip hop mixtape covers:

Arrogant flips the bird to the Earth, grabs his Avatar booty bitch and bags of cash and gets away in a flying saucer. Little does Arrogant know that Na'Vi women don't have genitals and simply connect their ponytail to yours to have sex. Whoopsie!

That's different. A mix tape about your full-time job as a systems analyst for a heating supply company in Lawrenceburg, KY.

I've never been a fan of Gucci Mane, so I damn sure don't want to see his no-talent chump ass spitting rhymes about booty and cars in 3D. 'Wow, I can almost reach out and slap that ice cream cone tattoo off his face!'

Borrowed interest that's 30 years old is still borrowed interest.

Yes, Wiz Khalifa, some of us get the reference. No, it doesn't make any sense.

Okay, Jarren Benton. I am puzzled but impressed.

Bishop Lamont sheds his pope hat for a more sensible Common cap and pretends to be waiting to fly somewhere as he masters Plants Vs. Zombies in a Gaussian blur haze.

Declaring yourself a badass King of New York is one thing. Accidentally associating yourself with a Ugandan guerrilla who abducts children to force them to become sex workers is another.

"Hi there. I'm Wiz Khalifa. You're probably wondering why I'm sitting at the Sears Portrait Studio wearing some lady's real estate blazer. Well, I'm just here to tell you that I remember you. Thanks for listening."

SUBMITTED!

On my lunch break, I took the film I found in one of the cameras (from the previous blog entry) to CVS for developing.



She said the film would be ready tomorrow at noon. I left my real phone number, but in case the photos turned out to be fucking bizarro or highly illegal, I left an alias: