The Grammys!

This Friday, CBS presents the 408th Annual Grammys, celebrating the best in music for 2023-2024. 

featuring performances by:

Hogsweat

Spumani Pedi

Tweeparty

G9RV8

Craigslist Meetup '94

Bruh

Izzy Dedd and Lil' Thyroid

Hoo Gotcha (ft. SPAMenoid)

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

This is exactly what one modicum of artistic talent looks like.

(C-3PO would like his fingers back, please)

Now just slap the CNN logo over the rapper's face and you're good.

"You lost the car? The two of you should be ashamed!"

Interesting. I always thought Edward Scissorhands looked like he was going "Booooooyeeeeee" when he held his hands up.

Black Invader Zim is the new Black Bart.

Either this is a photo of the makeup artist trying to apply anti-sag cream or that dude is strangling a woman to death.

Cash. Origami. Martial Arts.

It's perfect.

This is what the inside of a conspiracy theorist's head looks like. The word "gentrifried" is a bonus.

Jay-Z's name isn't even mentioned! YOU GET TO CLOSE THE LOOP YOURSELF!

WHO CARES

The midnight fashion show at Pottery Barn was a blurry failure.

Nobody has told these two yet that they have a record deal and that they're on the cover of their own album.

UAG

The ProofrEADJer: Christmas Is Coming Edition

A Short List of Things Millennials Don't Get/Understand/Care About

Everybody says that Millennials are our future. That they're the ones to be marketed to now, so we should begin to understand what they care about and what they don't know. So whatever, here is a short list of things that Millennials don't know or understand:

• Currency: what are these coins and paper pieces? Boring!

• Writing in cursive: who writes anymore? And why are those letters connected?

• "The Dukes of Hazzard:" Was that the Jessica Simpson movie?

• Eating without taking fucking pictures of it with your fucking phone: Huh?

• Keeping family drama private: But I want to share with social media how much a dick my Mom is!

• Software on discs: Is that a band?

• Not writing in emojis to make a coherent sentence: --------------

• Camelot Music Stores: Now you're talking alien language, right?

• General knowledge without using Google or Siri: (sad kitty cat emoji wearing a viking helmet)

Fuck you, you movie theatre-texting, selfie-taking, non-social-skills-having shitheads!

Spotted On Facebook

A new species of humanoid that communicates mainly via meme:

Some Hollywood Movie Ideas Based On The Types of Crayola Markers At Target

Three major movie studios– Universal, Sony Pictures and Viacom– have announced plans to release one movie each based on the names of washable markers found in the kid's art section of your local Target. Look for these potential blockbusters in 2016/2017:

"Glitterati" starring Mariah Carey, Michael B. Jordan, Sam Elliott and Diane Lane

A reboot of the disastrous 2001 biographic movie "Glitter," this reimagines Mariah Carey as a singer by day and secret service agent by night. She is recruited by her backup dancer (Jordan) to fight the behind-the-scenes Illuminati (Elliott and Lane) who control all of the world's recording studios and surveillance farms. Look for Raven Symone as hacker "INDERRE."

"Mermaid Shimmer" starring Demi Lovato, Drew Barrymore and directed by McG
This update of the classic mermaid story pits Demi Lovato as a good mermaid versus an evil merman (played by a CGI John Leguizamo) who braves the cold, hard streets of Boston to find her captured sister (Barrymore). Lots of zoom shots and multi-colored explosions. Soundtrack by Demi Lovato, Disturbed, Trey Songz and volleyball champ Gabrielle Reece.

"Over The Rainbow" starring Rupert Everett, Hugh Jackman and Kirsten Dunst. Directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu. This gritty tragicomedy shows the pains that a loving gay couple (Everett and Jackman) have to face in the rural swamps of Alabama. Are there swamps in Alabama? Whatever. Rated R for tits (and not whose you think!).

Started From The Bottom, Now We're Racist Appliances

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up: Not Yet Halloween Edition

 

Look closely. That is the hardest working bra hook in the history of brassieres.

"Sexy Minion Costume." Such a missed opportunity to have a single eyeball on the chest.

 

Some people don't even need to walk into a Halloween costume store.

Uh, I think an airport neck pillow doesn't provide as much support as one of those work belts.

David Lee Roth called. He just wanted to say hi.

The Answers From Yesterday's Which Can, Erickson?

Click to engorge: