Spotted On The Road:

Unintentional Joy Division album art. 

UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• Pretty Little Lawyers

• Property Brothers Continue To Freak Everybody Out

• Tyler Perry's Drag Race

• Is It Cake? Or Just a Bunch of Bullshit Fondant?

• Non-Emergency 811

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• I Think You Should Weave

• My Made-Up Addiction

• The Celebrity Golden Bachelor, Starring A Poor Nobody

• Ghost Hunters: Traumatized Toddler Edition

• The Niles Crane Chronicles

The ProofrEADJer: May Edition

Bloodbaths at Big Box Stores?

I was at Walmart and spotted this blood spill kit near the entrance:

I automatically thought of the unruly and sometimes violent Walmart customers I see in online videos. Are fights that lead to bloodshed really so common in Walmart that they have to set up a station for it?

Then a few days later I spotted the same type thing at Target, except it's behind the registers:

Who are these walking blood bags that explode at Walmart and Target? Are stab victims stopping by to pick up a few things on the way to the ER? Maybe that's why they make employees wear red at Target.

Next time you shop at either of these places, know that if you suddenly puncture your femoral artery, they'll be able to clean it up.

An Imagined Conversation

"Hey, where you want to order dinner from?"

"Let's get Chinese from No One."

"No One?"

"Yeah, No One on South Orange Avenue."

"I've never heard of that place."

"Yes you have. We went there after your dentist appointment last month."

"..."

"..."

"Oh shit. You mean NUMBER ONE."

"Huh?"

"The Chinese place is called Number One. They just abbreviated the word "number" as "no."

"Are you sure? I still think it's No One."

"Whatever. I'll call them now."

*phone rings*

"Hello. NOI Chinese restaurant. What is your order?"

"Never Underestimate the Pathmark of Human Stupidity."