Now It's Time To Prepare.

"By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail."
-Benjamin Franklin

Some possible questions that EADJ is going to ask Jerald on Saturday (list is still being revised):

• What's with that photo?
• Which shirt collars do you pop, and which do you not?
• Does your roommate always catch you by surprise?
• Can you be more specific in your interests (art, music & concerts, watching DVD's/Videos)?
• Why would you mop a patio?
• Have you watched "The Incredible Hulk" yet? It's pretty good.
• Why do you only travel to Germany– and no other countries– then back?
• Have you ever heard of "Eat A Dick Joel?"
• How do you plan to prevail?

How To Create a Cirque Du Soleil Sensation

Step 1) Come up with a really annoying name that's half English and half whatever (preferably French). It's okay if you ignore Latin origins and basic word structure (See Zumanity).

Step 2) For your soundtrack, recruit the talents of John Tesh, Kitaro or Mannheim Steamroller. If those guys are busy, just have a turtle walk on a casio keyboard.

Step 3) Get some dancers in leotards. Throw harlequin masks on them and make them hang from the ceiling doing crazy shit. Charge $80 a pop.

Step 4) Unleash your blight on culture to the world (aka Vegas)!

Work it out, Chimp Servant.

Joel had been complaining about his chimp servant's low muscle tone and weak upper body strength. So he bought it a year-long membership to Shaz, the local hip gym, complete with Olympic-length pool and climbing wall area.

At first, the chimp servant resented wearing the obligatory tank top and shorts. And the treadmill buttons were too high for it to adjust the speed. But after a few weeks, it started to visit Shaz at every opportunity.

In a short period of time, the chimp servant has improved its core muscles, its oblique abs, and its endurance in the sauna. The newly-buff chimp also has been seen canoodling with Rebecca Romijn and Rebecca Gayheart. Joel has meanwhile gained 10 lbs., although his dick-eating burns tons of calories per day.

The chimp servant has recently challenged its master to a wrestling match in the Shaz parking lot. Rebecca Gayheart will be on hand to both referee the match and to run over children while driving with a cell phone. Bookies have 23 to 1 odds on Joel winning the match.

(pictured above, Andrew at one of those lunchtime Bad Film Club viewings. Can't remember which one. "Frogs?")