Scooter Seat Was Glum

Scooter Seat was glum.

But Door Hinge was jazzed.

The Airplane Tray Twins were furious.

Dollar Store Box sat in the window like a cat.

Inspection Lock was happy to be working.

Drawers and Microwave just laughed and laughed.

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 7: "Santa's Boot Camp" Starring Eric Roberts and Storm Reid

Woof. This next one is a kid's movie, selected to mix it up from all the rom-coms, and in retrospect, I think I might have been better off sticking with that schmaltzy grown-up fare than suffering through a lazy, poorly realized "family movie."

Plot summary: "Willy Wonka meets "The Breakfast Club" at Christmas. When kids become so bratty and self-centered that Santa's elves go on strike, Santa, in desperation, must bring six unscrupulous youths to his boot camp to help save Christmas."

What really happens is that six kids get kidnapped and are forced into menial labor. They're told they're not being kidnapped, although they are clearly not allowed to leave. There is no real teaching moment or character arc in the movie- the kids just decide at the end to help save Christmas. Still beats "A Christmas Detour," though. Christ.

Santa says fuck this shit and quits. So magically, the bad kids suddenly realize to save Christmas, they have to start being good and WORK TOGETHER to make all the toys for all the world's children, which they NEVER SHOW but instead show about a dozen kids unenthusiastically stacking empty wrapped boxes. Santa comes back and is impressed, and somehow, CHRISTMAS IS SAVED!

Romance Factor: 0 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 4 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: N/A

That wasn't particularly pleasant. But I'm sort of glad to go back to romances tomorrow.