Only During A Pandemic

 

Pictured above: they've finally designed a giant blender to chop up any students they detect has Covid.

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 16: "The Perfect Gift" Starring Ruben Studdard

This one is a little different. Instead of a straight-up Hallmark Channel movie, this was a DVD marketed to be like a Hallmark Christmas romance, although it's actually more like a play, and not really about Christmas at all, and more about personal familial responsibility than about romance. Also, it's part musical and filmed by a 1991 video camera.

Romance Factor: 7 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:22:29

Eat A Dick Joel: Special Teacher's Edition

(Note: This is a special guide to help educators explain in more detail the life and travails of Joel Thomas to their students. This is not an instructional guide on how to eat dick.)

Students often ask "Why does Joel eat dick?" Instead of ignoring this obvious question or punishing them, you should let them figure it out for themselves. Answer them with questions of your own: "Why shouldn't Joel eat dick?" "What is the symbolic connection between Joel and dick?" "What about Joel can we identify with?" "Who's making farting noises near the radiator? Is it you, Peter?"

Also, workbooks are helpful in developing a student's understanding of dick being eaten by Joel. By involving them in activities, essays, and pictograms, by the end of 8 weeks most 3rd graders can grasp the concept of Joel chugging huge amounts of ding dong and can probably write "Eat a dick, Joel" in cursive.

Answers for section 2 of the workbooks:

1. Yes
2. Yes.
3. Four.
4. Dick.
5. 225 North Michigan, 24th Floor, Chicago, IL 60601, Attn: Brad Harvey
6. The letters C, U, and N.
7. Frederick Douglass
8. Chris Klein dressed like a pizza.
9. Fangoria Magazine, Vol. 4, Issue 8

(pictured above, the exact amount of Indian food that Scott Wild can eat without spraying the bowl in orange.)