The ProofrEADJer: Early April Edition

Let's Say Goodbye To All The Stuff Marketers Are Telling Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye! *kiss*

Upcoming Feature Films Based on Air Freshener Names

Hollywood, now completely out of ideas, continues to scour every last part of the modern world for movie script sources–the latest being the air freshener aisle at your local CVS. Major movie studios are in fact in a bidding war for the rights to the different air freshener flavors to release as movies. Here are the latest upcoming titles:

"Fresh-Pressed Apple" starring Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Gillian Jacobs.

Two rival apple farmers go to war over the heart of an attractive young horticulturist who just moved into town. Directed by Adam McKay.

"Linen Escape" starring Megan Fox, Adam Scott and Don Cheadle

A blanket businessman (Cheadle) is confronted by two criminals (Fox and Scott) who are trying to use his credentials to rob the bedding convention he's attending. Also starring Ed Helms as the CEO of MyPillow.

"Elegant Amber & Oud" starring Rami Malek and Amber Heard

This sweeping cross-cultural romance stars Malek as Oud who woos Amber (Heard) with his impressive stringed instrument technique. Set in the romantic Saudi city of Tabuk, it captures the beauty and wonder of Arabic nightlife as experienced by a basic white girl.

"Blue Odyssey" starring Jeremy Renner, Viola Davis and Don Johnson

A charter boat captain (Renner) is paid a small fortune to take a mysterious woman (Davis) to an off-the-map island, no questions asked. He quickly finds himself in a web of intrigue involving the mafia, NASA, the Pillsbury Doughboy (voiced by Don Johnson) and fourteen Del Taco workers. Rated R

"Mediterranean Lavender" starring Kate Hudson, Emily Browning and Regina King

 A bachelorette party in Barcelona goes off the rails when the club they're partying in gets taken over by ecoterrorists, headed by Peter Stormare. They make weapons out of what they have on hand–champagne glasses, silverware, and a giant joke dildo–to fight back. Rated PG-13 for language and a giant joke dildo.

"Blood Orange" starring Zendaya, Emma Roberts, Ansel Elgort and Robert Pattinson

A remote orange farm in the town of Limeira, Brazil is the setting for this moody, dark murder mystery. A farmer's daughter is found murdered, and her fiancé has no alibi, but there's more to this story... Soundtrack by Tati Zaqui and Kevinho.

"Aqua Exhilaration" starring Zac Efron, Mckenna Grace, John Boyega and Zoë Kravitz

Four carefree dumbasses sit in a parking lot throwing water at each other. Running time: 150 minutes

UAG

Ads For Eyeglasses Are Weird.

There's something gross and unsettling about eyeglasses ads. Maybe it's in the casting, like they chose people too beautiful to wear glasses or something.

Why doesn't this guy just get LASIK? He shouldn't be hiding his beautiful cheekbones like that.

This is more natural. But she still seems oddly alien and smug.

Oh, look. I found my lost Kraftwerk LP.

Good Lord. Creepy vacant smiles, sitting too close together, smiling in two different directions at nothing. I'd prefer mannequin heads or just the frames. GET ME OUT OF THIS STEPFORD WICKERMAN MIDSOMMAR NIGHTMARE

Ummm...

 Found on Amazon on a listing for a heated jacket:

It makes slightly more sense if you maybe read it out loud with a thick Jamaican accent.

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu's schedule this month:

• We Retell the Classics With Emojis Because The Kids Seem To Like It

• Baron Tumid & Lady Clenched

• Game Show: Guess Our WiFi Password!

• An 8 Hour Fully-Restored and Remastered Documentary on Candlebox

• Dingaling Hygiene

• Jake Crackity's News Quarter Hour

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing this month:

• Nothing But Podcast Program Notes

• Napkin Folding Documentary by a Clearly Schizophrenic Woman

• The 2021 Gender-Swapped Porky's

• Some Pawn Shop Scumbags Ripping Off Old People

• Drag Queen Ninja Course Challenge

• 4 Hours of Footage of Divorced Men Trying To Assemble IKEA Furniture

• Cock! The Making of the Smash Hit Musical