Let's Say Goodbye To All The Stuff Marketers Are Telling Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye! *kiss*

Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

The latest roundup of hack, lazy copywriting:

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Farewell! Goodbye! 

Outdoor Blanket Instructions: An Internal Dialogue

Here's where we caption some stock photography on a tag that came with an outdoor blanket. Exciting stuff.

LARGE POCKET.

A Pair of IM Convos

This from Bill Dow:


And this one from Andrew Gall:



Insert "I'll be Bach" joke here.

Words Of Encouragement, For Once

We at EADJ have often been known to break down egos and generally be destructive in anything we ever write or say, but we thought now would be a good time to offer words of encouragement to a random, deserving person. Today, we offer words of encouragement to the random old lady buying Victoria's Secret panties behind my wife:


Yeah, lady. Keep it up. Get those panties. Do what feels right. Don't let anyone tell you you're too old to enjoy a pair of new Very Sexy® Lace-trim Hiphuggers, which are an amazing 3 for $10. Do what you want to do! You're an adult woman– who cares what other people think? Fuck those judgmental assholes!


That's right- buy those panties for yourself! Feel confident and sexy like you should! There is no age limit to feeling fabulous and seductive! Fuck all the haters who think you're too old to enjoy a little lace under that dress. To hell with them! YOU GO, LADY! Buy those naughty undies with the word "PINK" printed on the ass! Exclamation point!

Mr. Jingles Is Coming.

The Home Depot in Union City, New Jersey will be host to the lovable antics of Mr. Jingles.

Mr. Jingles will give your kids keys and one of those keys will be MAGIC and will actually open his treasure chest. Mr. Jingles may or may not step away from the treasure chest so that his crotch is right there. And it turns out that if your kid does open the treasure chest with the MAGIC key, there's nothing inside except for a couple of coupons for $5 off any regular size Pizza at Pizza Hut and an old pamphlet about warts.

Here are some other things that you probably didn't know about Mr. Jingles:

• He's one of the most popular artists on Datpiff.com.

• Despite the government's best efforts, there is absolutely no record of Mr. Jingles from years 1993-1998.

• The nickname "Mr. Jingles" was given to him by Marlon Brando. True story.

• Mr. Jingles is related to Fred Durst, but neither will admit it.

• Never bring anything with velour into Mr. Jingles' house. He goes totally apeshit.

• Mr. Jingles was kicked out of Santa's workshop when he tried to fondle a female elf's genitals.

• Whenever it's close to 5pm, Mr. Jingles starts packing up for home. No use asking him for anything then.

• He still owns a Dreamcast, which when you think about it, is pretty damn cool.

• One year Mr. Jingles had bangs in his hair. Holy ass, he looked stupid.

• If you closely at the advertisement, you can tell who is in the Mr. Jingles suit:

Possibly The Worst Idea Ever

"Hello, honey? You know how you sent me to that Victoria's Secret 'Men's Night Out' shopping event to get you something nice and sexy to wear for Valentine's? Well, I went and spent over $60, so I got VIP access to meet two of the hottest supermodels on the planet– Adriana Lima and Doutzen Kroes– and well, long story short, this is Adriana. I told her you could sleep on the fold-a-bed."

Eating Dick and Naming Joel

"Joel, no. Don't touch that. That's not for you."

"Joel, come here. We're just here to make a deposit at the bank... JOEL. COME HERE. Don't start wandering or we'll never be able to find you."

"Hold my hand, Joel. Joel. Joel. Hold my hand, Joel. No, put that pen down. No, that's not for you, Joel. Joel."

"No, don't put the pen in your mouth, Joel. Joel. It's dirty. No. NO. JOEL. PUT DOWN THE PEN."

"That isn't a pen? What is that, Joel?"

"Put that dick down, Joel. You don't know where it's been. Take that dick out of your mouth THIS MINUTE, Joel. Don't make me tell you twice. JOEL!"

"Take that nice man's dick out of your mouth, Joel. I'm so sorry, sir. He's really not... JOEL. PUT THAT MAN'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH."

"JOEL."

"Joel, don't put another dick in your mouth. You just finished that other one."

"Stop it, Joel. Stop fondling the balls. Stop. Stop it right now! Stop teabagging the nice bank manager's balls. NO, JOEL."

"No. Joel. No. No. NO. NO. NO! You're going to ruin your appetite!"

"Do you not want to go to McDonald's after the bank, Joel? I guess you don't if you keep eating dick in the bank. No, you can't cry now. No, Joel. I warned you. I told you not to eat dick. Are you happy now, Joel? This was your doing. I'm very disappointed in you today, so you can cry all you want."

(pictured above, a student product design at Columbia College is inspired by two gophers fucking)