The EADJ Pun Police: Roman Praetorian Guard Edition

"Fellow Praetorian Guards of glorious Rome. It is our task and vow to protect the Emperor from any and all puns or wordplay. Vigilance shall be our duty to the empire."

"Jesus Shoe Repair is mocking how we crucified that man a few weeks ago. TO THE LIONS WITH THIS STREET COBBLER!"

"Oh, I thought the wordplay was in 'seedy', like somehow it had to do with seeds and water, which confused me. But I see it has to do with the plumbing JOINTS, which isn't an enjoyable pun by any stretch of the imagination! TO THE LIONS WITH THEM!"

"'You may be entitled to condensation.' Never mind the lions- I'll slay this one with a sword myself."

"GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST! PROTECT CAESAR FROM THIS PUN BEFORE HE BECOMES AN ACTUAL GHOST! WHY DID I EVEN USE THAT EXPRESSION? IT'S A TOTAL ANACHRONISM!"

Toy Oven Is Shocked.

Salivary Disturbing.

Over the years, I've noticed some people have a "wet mouth," meaning they always look like their lips are red and shiny. It gives me the impression that they've just finished a giant red popsicle.

A short list of celebrities who have a "Wet Mouth:"

•Macaulay Culkin


• that ginger kid from "Harry Potter"
• ESPN Fantasy Sports analyst Matthew Berry
• Gene Simmons (even when not doing the tongue thing)


• Jim Bakker
• every actress who played that blonde girl in "Atonement"
• both "Coreys"


• Kirk Cameron
• Jean Claude Van Damme
• Ewan McGregor
• Beck


• Juliette Lewis



Do you know any other wetmouths?