A Couple of Burning Questions About the Rite Choice Realty Billboard From Yesterday, Answered Today

Yesterday's entry here.

2) That woman is Michelle Gomes, real estate broker and OWNER of the business. Not sure why she seems uncomfortable. Maybe she was busy closing a sale and they photographer was taking too long snapping her photo. Like, GET ON WITH IT, DANIEL.

3) The ad is partially white because according to the realty website, the office makes generous and tasteful use of white in its interior, punctuated by black signs and chairs.

4) Not mafia owned or run. Mrs. Gomes is all above board. I'm sorry I implied it. Please don't come after me.

6) NOT a bad media buy if the realtors got FREE PUBLICITY from this very blog. They got TWO ENTRIES from us, FOR FREE!'

Some Burning Questions About The Rite Choice Realty Billboard in Union, NJ

1) What the shit?

2) Is that woman being interrogated? Why does she look uncomfortable?

3) Why is it half white/half white? Are they emulating the old Scarface poster?

4) Is this a mafia-run business? Is that the don's daughter?

5) It was kind of disrespectful to leave "OUTFRONT" under the woman, yes?

6) Was this media buy really the "rite" choice?

More Awful But Available Porn Names

Welcome to the San Fernando Valley. Now that you have a permanent address here, would you like to become a pornstar? Of course you would. So to get you started in the adult film industry, here are some terrible names you can pick from to become famous:

HIM

Joblerone
Lionsack O’Shit
Seafood Newberg
Beto O’ Pork
Hanley Hanley Roy
Deepcock Choke-ra

HER

L’Shana Tova
Fentanyl
Ella Vader
Eska Later
Snow White Ana Humpsmen
Franny Pack
Shitzin Giggles

UAG

What The "Plus" Means In Many Instances

Ultra Plus

"Plus" = anything that regular Ultra doesn't offer, which is pretty ridiculous since "Ultra" should mean you get a lot already. Which means plain Ultra is just a fucking ripoff.

Ensure Plus

"Plus" = pink diarrhea!

Boost Plus

"Plus" =  also pink diarrhea!

Fiber Plus

"Plus" = a yard-long turd

Backup Plus

"Plus" = why are all these about poop?

Officejet Pro 8600 Plus

"Plus" = four color cartridges that run out of ink after printing one resume.

Discount Food Store Plus

"Plus" = an impressive entire aisle devoted to do-rags.

K&S Curtains Plus

"Plus" = The drapes. Which should match the curtains. Wink wink.

Frontline Plus for dogs

"Plus" = an irrational fear that you're going to drive them to "the farm."

Star Alliance Business Class Elite Plus

"Plus" = You get to board 3 minutes before the other schlubs.

Das Gesunde Plus

"Plus" = "scabies," but in German.

Skim Plus

"Plus" = fat. Which means Skim Plus is just regular milk.

Playmobil Special Plus

"Plus" =  The lingering uncertainty that your child might be choking on a plastic flamingo.

Cal Stat Plus

"Plus" = Raccoon rabies. Which is different from scabies in that it doesn't affect your skin as much as it makes you go completely batshit insane and rummage through your neighbors' trash cans looking for a fish bone.

WeTransfer Plus

"Plus" = $5 to keep us from sharing your personal information to a marketing group in Saudi Arabia.

Vince's DVD Drawer Was Thrilled

Vince's DVD Drawer was thrilled (submitted by Andrew).

Two toasters were pretty psyched, too.

Cardboard Backing was not as enthused.

Park Bench and Two Light Spots On The Pavement gritted his teeth and tried to muster up some enthusiasm about it.

Stress Sweat Graphic couldn't snap out of his funk, however.

Parking Meter knew everything was gonna work out okay.

Dangling Public Trashcan Lid was not as optimistic.

Sink Scrubber Holder grumbled that it didn't matter.

Two Razors laughed their asses off.

Theatre Holiday Lights smiled creepily from the back of the room.

Dozens of Apartment Vents sat in neutral silence.

Elevator Railing and Venting also held his tongue.

Weird Receipt Clip felt depressed, quite frankly.

Bus Tail Light was scared out of his mind.

Hallway Dumpster Hatch didn't feel a thing.

Ceiling Insulation and Piping also felt nothing.

BOOM.

The more I stood in line, the more I realized I should be eating a salad instead of a cheese dog.




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