An Ongoing Conversation Between Taco Bell's Mexican Pizza and McDonald's McRib

The following series of interviews was produced by the same makers of Variety's Actors On Actors segment, but instead of actors, this covers a conversation between two fast food items that give you diarrhea:

MP: Hello, McRib. It's good to see you.

MR: Thanks for having me.

MP: Actually, I'm not hosting. I'm just here to interview and be interviewed by you. I've never even seen this place before.

MR: Oh okay. LOL

MP: So let's clear the air, first. We are not rivals, are we?

MR: No, not at all. We don't have a beef. I mean, you have beef. I'm pork. Ish...

MP: I love how self deprecating you are. I've recently made a comeback to join the Taco Bell menu full time, yet you still make occasional appearances. When can we expect to see you again?

MR: I'm not at liberty to say. But people are still welcome to check the McRib Locator site.

MP: Cool. Do you miss being on the permanent menu, after being removed in 1985?

MR: That's not really a fair question. You were removed in May 2022, remember?

MP: Yes, but that was because I was selling out.

MR: I see. Whatever

----------WATCH FOR PART 2 OF THIS SERIES COMING SOON----------

More Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracy Theories

Alex Jones and his staff of writers continue to litter the mediasphere with their outlandish wacko conspiracies, and their dumb target audience is still eating it up. Here are the latest unverified news "stories" that they're working on:

• The show "Ted Lasso" is a tool planted by FIFA to make Americans like soccer and therefore bow to the globalist, freedom-hating Saudis

• Those ziploc bags that you carry goldfish home in from Petsmart? NOT ZIPLOC BRAND

• Whenever you see a "®" symbol next to a company's logo, that means they vote Republican. Sweet!

• Any rumor that Ben Shapiro is the son of Alex Jones is both stupid and probably untrue.

• Pop up stores are temporary recruiting centers for Wiccans. Spirit of Halloween stores, especially.

• If you don't eat the bowl-you-can-eat in a taco salad, the kitchen can legally re-serve it to the next patron.

Tight.

See, this is what happens when you lose your luggage and you're forced to wear your 6-year old nephew's clothes.

That Jerky is NOT Jewish.

I opened some low-fat jerky yesterday and realized I was about to turn into Joel:

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

(pictured above, Taco Bell Express is both the most depressing and the most hilarious place on Earth)

Hey, EADJ, Put A Record On I Wanna Dance With My Baby

You can't make a tiger change its spots. You can't make a shark evolve more. And you can't make Joel eat more dick than he already does.

Two weeks ago a self-proclaimed "life coach" Jerry Fusili offered his services to Joel. He vowed to get Joel to tighten his buttocks, sculpt his abs and get the cock-eating muscles in his jaw to expand. Joel was reluctant but agreed.

Four days into a new regimen, Mr. Fusili had sculpted Joel's buttocks into the shape of a large, pale, hairy taco holder. Joel's abs were well-defined but soft in the middle. And Joel showed no marked improvement in his cock-eating skillz, which were by the way already excellent.

So on the fifth day Joel fired Jerry Fusili. They never even discussed a payment plan, so they parted ways with a deep kiss and a firm shake of their dongs.

(pictured above, the Bucktown Beanery is very mean with their cookie tags)