More Available But Frickin' Awful Porn Names

Congrats on your Sassy Dark Enterprises! Before we start shooting with this here iPhone 13 Max, you'll need to pick a porn name -something you’ll go by at porn conventions and cell phone repair store grand openings. Here's an empty dildo box full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself to any of it, but fair warning– these are pretty stupid:

Him

Alan Rench

Anal Alda

Johnny Cum Rapely

P.P. Inyertwat

Rim Tintin

Her

Allovia Chest

Pudenda Gushalott

Norma Lee Notintothistypeofthing

Tuesday Muffins

Annette Flix Original

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• Cancel Me! The Dave Chappelle Comedy Special Where All He Talks About Is People Trying to Cancel Him For Material From A Previous Comedy Special

• Documentary about Mockumentaries

• Gary Busey's ASMR Relaxation Program

• Animated show: DILFS- Dolphins I'd Like To Fuck

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Baggage Claim Mysteries

• Prank Show: Let's Tell Podcasters That We Enjoy and Follow Their Show

• Scrolling Text of Amazon Gift Card Codes That Actually Work

• Dr. Pimple Popper Cooking Show

Here Are Your Job Numbers For The Week of Sept. 5 - Sept. 9

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Tim Ortegas <tortegas@67media.com>
To: All <Allstaff@67media.com> 
Sent: Wednesday, September 7, 2022 9:13 AM
Subject: Zoom Etiquette / Job Numbers

Good morning everyone.

Just a quick note that if you're having a zoom call with clients, YOU MUST HAVE YOUR CAMERA ON. The client does not want to have a conversation with a thumbnail of a shocked Pikachu. They've told me as much.

Anyways, here are the job numbers for doing timesheets this week. Please submit by EOD Friday!

#955693 - Blending the contours

#223974 - Hiding the bodies

#808912 - Replacing Terrence Howard as Rhodey

#255305 - Promoting your stupid podcast

#930056 - Arguing with concert security

#503621 - Destroying the timeline

#141102 - Garden walk bullshit

UAG

Some Hollywood Movie Ideas Based on Glitter Tattoo Names

A declining box office has forced Hollywood's major studios to scramble for the next big blockbuster franchise. But since almost every novel, comic book, original script, adapted script and short story idea has already been turned into a movie, the next place to look for ideas is from Glitter Tattoo names from a gumball machine in a Pump It Up trampoline park in Roselle Park, New Jersey.

Here now are all the script ideas already in development with the names attached to the projects:

"Crowned Heart" starring George Clooney, Aldis Hodge and Karen Gillan

Two pediatricians (Clooney and Hodge) help an exceptional child with a chronic illness find his voice and inspire his entire school. Karen Gillan plays the aggrieved mother.

---------------

"Flying Dragon" starring Simu Liu, Ali Wong and Alex Winter

Two karaoke singers (Liu and Winter) are mistaken for Chinese gangsters and need to find the real culprits to clear their name within 24 hours. Also starring Clancy Brown as Police Sergeant Mudworth.

---------------

"Dancing Dolphins" directed by Mira Sorvino. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Joe Minoso, Sophia Bush, and Paula Patton

This script is still being developed under tight wraps. but all we know so far is that it's being filmed in Florida and Weta Workshop is developing the special fx. Lizzo, P!nk and Sam Smith are recording the soundtrack.

 

Some Unanswered Plot Questions from Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City", Season 2

Of all the colorful neighborhoods in Colorforms City, why do visitors go to the Red Light District first?

Is the informant that ratted out Charlie's meth operation still alive?

How did Milo smuggle gun parts into the prison?

Will Mayor Sunbeam's history of human trafficking affect his chances at reelection?

Is that your dog?

Has the Colorforms gang war with Shrinky Dink City gotten worse? 

Meanwhile, At the Gaslight Brewery & Restaurant...

"And here you go, folks– pardon my reach–  two triple chocolate brownies with French vanilla ice cream!"

"Yum!"

"Yes, this looks great, but he ordered this but I ordered the pineapple upside-down cheesecake."

"I wish you wouldn't do that, miss."

"Do what?"

"You're purposefully lying to confuse me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Miss, you ordered the triple chocolate brownie with French vanilla ice cream right after your friend here ordered the triple chocolate brownie with French vanilla ice cream. I distinctly remember it because I wrote it down here on my pad!"

"But I didn't..."

"Honey, if the waitress wrote it down on her pad, then you must have said it. Mmm, this is delicious!"

"Yes. YOU ordered the triple chocolate brownie with French vanilla ice cream. You never ordered the pineapple upside-down cheesecake because I never wrote down 'pineapple upside-down cheesecake' on my pad."

"But... but... maybe you wrote it down wrong?"

"Here's your check. After you pay and give me a sizable tip, I want you folks to promptly leave. Good evening."