Does This Entry Need A Title. I Guess.

Forget Milan. Forget New York. Screw Paris. To hell with London.

All of those cities known for fashion have nothing on Niles, Illinois now that the Bradford Exchange's "I Love My Dog" Crossbody Bag has been announced in the June issue of DogFancy Magazine.

"THE HEIGHT OF FASHION" the press release says. Finely hand-crafted in black faux leather that coordinates beautifully with the dog art and your sweatsuit, the bag has an outside flap pocket with a brown paw print, snap closure and compartments inside for essentials, like photos of your dog and your divorce papers. There's also a zipper pull engraved with the words "I Love My (name of breed)" just in case a casual observer didn't get that you're a bit too much into your dog based on the tacky dog graphic, the paw print, or the way that you don't give a shit when you dress anymore. What happened to you after high school?

Spotted in "Matters" Magazine

This innocuous ad for the South Orange Family Dentistry shows a couple of mascots encouraging kids to brush their teeth.

But upon closer inspection, I realized that both the toothpaste and the tooth HAD TEETH. So not only is the toothpaste about to brush its teeth, the TOOTH IS BRUSHING ITS TEETH. 

Are both the toothpaste and the tooth brushing their teeth with the toothpaste coming from the toothpaste? Isn't that some kind of sick cannibalistic sexual thing now? Would the toothpaste that the toothpaste is using to brush its teeth just wind up back in the tube? Is there anything more beautiful than a child's smile?

THE TOOTH IS BRUSHING ITS TEETH. SLEEP WELL, KIDS.

Every Good Boy Does Racist Appliances

Isn't It A Little Early In The Week For A UAG?

Yes.

Know The Difference!

Vince Camuto is a brand of women's footwear and handbags, commonly associated with the Nine West Brand.

Neil Cavuto is an anchor and commentator on the Fox Business Network and also host of "Your World With Neil Cavuto and "Cavuto On Business." 

Vince Camuto shoes are known for their chunky heel and flashy colors.

Neil Cavuto is known for being a partisan hack with an anti-immigrant bias and full-of-shit leading questions.

The Vince Camuto Dita Wedge Sandal has been criticized for being too loud, flashy and impractical for everyday use. 

Neil Cavuto has been criticized for having a gigantic head that looks like a ham with a toupee and glasses.

Vince Camuto watches, clothing and accessories can be found at department stores like Nordstrom, Macy's and Dillards.

Neil Cavuto can be found interviewing such business news experts as Sarah Palin, Hugh Hefner and Fabio.

So in summary,

Vince: is cool

Neil: can go fuck his mother

The ProofrEADJer: May Edition

False Alarm. Kristine Johnson Hasn't Left Channel 2 News.

She actually does the CBS2 News at 5pm and 11pm. I mistakenly thought she was replaced when I was watching the 6pm news and *that blonde woman* was running the desk.

I'm so glad you haven't left, Kristine. I promise I won't make fun of you again on this blog.

But you really might want to reconsider wearing green around the studio. Especially near the Weather Desk.