The ProofrEADJer: Mid-August Edition

6 Lies Told By the Mount Vernon Brochure

1) New York is the 24th state with the most violent crime rate. You might want to bring your pepper spray than walk around unprotected.

2) Actually closed on George Washington's birthday and during Freaknik.

3) This little shed was George Washington's man room, full of comics, porn and Playstation 1 games.

4) "The distillery" and "gristmill" are both nicknames for the same gift shop.

5) Yes, this is the original Jaws prop from the movie "Moonraker."

6) Free wifi. The password is "1STBITCHES"

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Eat A Dick Joel is pleased to announce "6 Lies" brand coffee beans. Grown in the specially designated area of Jamaica's Blue Mountains, 6 Lies coffee has dark brown color, good acidity, intense aroma, and a good, clean body, and is poisonous only 3 weeks out of the year. Pick up a bag of 6 Lies for your coffee grinder today! Available at CVS and select carwashes.

Some Movie Ideas Culled From the Names of Carnival Rides at the Jersey Shore

Hollywood has exhausted all original and adapted content, turning everything from Shakespearean plays, comic strips and even "reading is fun" posters in school libraries into full length feature films. Desperate, the major studios have recently turned to a placard at the Jersey Shore that tells you how much rides cost for the latest crop of blockbuster properties:

***Already made into movies: Carousel, Bounce, Convoy, Train, Tornado, Moby Dick.

"Motor Jumps" starring Kelly Preston, Justin Theroux, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Hugh Jackman

A BMX pro racer (Jackman) must prove he can still compete with younger, more extreme competitors. Kelly Preston plays his wife/manager who gets him on the right course to positive thinking and BMX winning!

"Samba Balloons" starring Christina Hendricks, Sofia Vergara, Scarlett Johansson and Kat Dennings
Directed by Paul Verhoeven
(No plot needed)

"Wave Swinger" starring French Stewart, Joseph Gordon Leavitt, John Lithgow, Kristen Johnston, and Jane Curtin. Directed by Fred Savage
This prequel to "3rd Rock From The Sun" features all the original cast, whose performances were motion captured and rendered to look a lot younger. SEE FRENCH STEWART GESTICULATE IN IMAX 3D!!!!!!

"Dizzy Dragons" starring Josh Hutcherson, Teresa Palmer and Gretchen Mol. Directed by Atom Egoyan
This tragic drug-addiction drama follows three young people who turn to heroin after the Sharper Image store they work for closes down. Michael Ironside plays the stoic but concerned strip mall manager "Mikey."

"Bulgy" starring Johnny Depp. This musical version of the recent gangster movie "Black Mass" chronicles the ups and downs of Whitey Bulger's criminal career in song. Music by Stephen Sondheim. Lyrics by Slash.

UAG

EADJ Announces Nifty iPhone Cases!

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HECKA BREAKING NEWS FROM ANDREW

Andrew's mistaken identity adventures continues from yesterday.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Fwd: Tuesday Chaingang

From: xXXXXxx@xxx.xxx

Enjoy …