Some More Mall Kiosks And What Their Attendants Are Probably Thinking

Lou at the Flying Zone kiosk in the Valley Fair Mall in West Valley City, UT

• All this radiation is probably bad for my health

• Is that baby trying to shoplift a drone?

• I wonder if that clerk in Qdoba fucks like a beast

Kara at the Flying Zone kiosk in the Valley Fair Mall in West Valley City, UT

• These shoes are pretty good, but my dogs are still barking

• I wonder if this counts as flight time for pilots

• That last episode of Westworld didn't make any sense

Kara at the T-Mobile kiosk in the Kittery Outlet Mall in Kittery, ME

• I bet I could karate chop this table in half in one try

• That guy has a nice ass

• How do I tell my brother about the dent in the PT Cruiser?

Roger at the Straight Ahead kiosk in the Cascade Mall in Burlington, WA

• This job is crimping my style, ha ha

• How do we know that Thanos killed only half of humanity? Could he be lying?

• Lobster rolls are pretty gross when you think about it

Douglas at the Premier Cosmetics kiosk in the Potomac Mills Mall in Woodbridge, VA

• All this stuff is so worthless, I bet I could go to a third matinee today and people still wouldn't swipe anything

• That punching game at the carnival is totally rigged. I'm way stronger than that.

• I bet I could go home for the night and nobody would swipe anything from the kiosk

Tanya at the Hickory Farms kiosk in the North Shore Square Mall in Slidell, LA

• Even though it's well-ventilated, I go home reeking of sausage like a punk

• Nobody buys this shit in the summer. It's all gross when it's hot.

• I bet some frosted tips would look pretty sweet on me

So, Security At Times Square Is So Tight Now...

...they can't even be bothered with some woman obviously stealing a hotel lobby table.

How We Do in BKLYN

(pictured above, my neighbor Peter learned that he had to chain his plants up when leaving them outside to get fresh sun after one was stolen. Which reminds me– I totally forgot to ask him how often to water the ficus.)

Let's Pretend To Kiss the Outside of the EADJ Mail Sack Even Though It Smells Tangy!

Below, a submission from Bill Dow at the EADJ office in San Fran. Note Bill's creepy reflection.