Five Surprises From the Consumer Electronics Show

The Consumer Electronics Show wrapped up last week in Las Vegas, and attendees were surprised by some of announcements, launches and developments. Here are the most surprising headlines from CES:

• Almost no announcements for wearable MP3 players this year

• Chik Fil-A's streaming service announcement overshadowed by MSKFC

• Samsung reveals its combination clothes-and-dish-washer

• A rabid coyote got loose and bit 14 people

• LG's new curved television allows you to enjoy 270º of Friends

Scheduled Appearances For VidCon 2023

VidCon is the latest gathering of content creators, influencers, and. useless dipshits social media stars, all in one place. Here are the latest digital luminaries to catch at this exciting new convention:

• Live daily podcasts from Gaff and the Nook from the second stall in the men's bathroom

• Make up blogger Thomas the Swank Injun will do touch-ups on a dozen faces in only 8 minutes

• Live music from Miranda Sings

• Prank Boyz and the Hidden Camera Gotcha Cru will battle to the death, to everyone's delight

• Jojo Siwa will drive past the building for $50,000

• Mommy blogger Carmen Disaratada will whoop your kid's ass live for likes

• Instagram comedian Disfigurement will take questions

• IG filter expert Shanna V will show everyone her real face for 3 seconds

• Get food poisoning by a variety of TikTok chefs

• Manosphere events will take place in a van in the parking deck

• Controversial puppeteer WHOGIVESASHIT will headline both Friday and Saturday

More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

So you've arrived at the San Fernando Valley and want to get into the porn business. But your name is Robert George Ackerman III?! No, son. You need a catchy porn name. One that hasn't been claimed already. Here are some that are available for you (and your girlfriend) because they're so awful no one wants them:


HER:

Aspiri Nactress
Concertina Wire
Lexus Dealer Today
Whyeye Otta
Lesbia Lickaphiia
Anneghan Offigan
Heidi Tighty and Lefty Lucy
Facetious Comment
Kay Sadiya


HIM:

Fortnite Minecraft
Scam Likely
Otto Zone
Swole Buttman
Jack King Hoff
Zazzle Knutts
Hannibal Pecker
Papi Bagel

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of September 25

Twitter is what happens when you give a million attention whores a megaphone. But even they have standards when it comes to hashtags. The following are hashtags considered so dumb, awful or vapid that even the least discriminating tweeters would refuse to use these:

#smurftraitor

#pissingoregano

#monistat7drones

#Breitbartretractions

#beigeLamborghini

#steaksaucelollipops

#TeddyRuxpinweedstash

#ElvisPresleybrandtoilets

#pissandvinegarandFresca

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of November 4

I hate Twitter. But one thing they've got going for it is hashtags. They allow you to connect with other people talking about the same thing, just in a different vapid, under informed way.

Here now are Twitter's least used hashtags, which you're welcome to add to your dumb rants about Starbucks cups or black people or which cartoon cat is more fuckable.

#smurfracism

#gangrenousarmpits

#photoboothdickpics

#tobleroneenema

#flipthatrefugeetent

#poopchuteforeplay

#chelseaclintonrapvideo

#casperthedisembodieddeadchild

#goldencorralmissedconnections

#intercoursewithahippo'snostril

#that24hourCVSeveryone'safraidof

#AlYankovicwasprettynormalbeforehewasWeird

#laughingtillyoushartwearingwhitealsoyou'rethePope

#puttingahotdoginyourhatsoyouhaveanicesnacklaterdon'tjudge