Burning Questions About Bootaa's 29" Velcro Dartboard Packaging

I was looking at the packaging for this velcro dartboard when I noticed this inset:

BAHAHAHAHAH What the shit is going on here?

• Why is it hanging outside on a tree?

• Why put it outside if the darts are safe velcro balls?

• Why is a 4 year old girl alone outside?

• Is the 4 year old being punished?

• Or does mommy and daddy just need some alone time upstairs?

• Why put so much effort into styling and curling her hair if you're just going to slap a hoodie on her?

• What kind of crap shot is that girl if she almost misses the target from 2 feet away?

• Is this Katniss Everdeen's origin story? (Okay, old reference. Sorry) 

The Birth and Rebirth of All Nature, / The Passing of Winter and Spring, / We Share With the Life Universal, / Rejoice in the Magical Pathmark.

Like a mis-shelved Phoenix rising from the ashes, it is becoming safer to shop in person, and the Pathmark segment has finally returned.

And these two submitted by Emily Kane:

Welcome back, frustrated stockboys!

Some Hollywood Movie Ideas Based On The Name of a Marriott Residence Meeting Room in Deptford, NJ

Movie studios are running out of ideas fast. So they are resorting to desperate measures, like starting entire movie franchises on matchbook covers and Dixie cup riddles. This time, four major studios are in a violent bidding war to release a film with the title "Breakfast Overflow." Here are their pitches:

Sony Pictures: "Breakfast Overflow" starring Michelle Monaghan and Josh Gad. An unsuspecting newlywed couple finds a supernatural toaster at a flea market and find themselves surrounded by an endless supply of delicious breakfast foods. This puts a strain on their marriage and even causes them to reconsider getting another dog. Directed by Anna Foerster (Underworld: Blood Wars).

Universal Pictures: "Breakfast Overflow" directed by Eli Roth. This self-aware grindhouse horror flick portrays a boyfriend and girlfriend (Joshua Jackson and Zoe Saldana) who get lost while hiking in the backwoods of the Deep South. They're captured by a cult run out of a converted IHOP restaurant and are forced to try all 67 signature plates in one sitting. Special gore effects by master Shane Mahan.

Disney/Pixar Studios: "Breakfast Overflow" directed by Brad Bird. A lonely English muffin (voiced by Kaya Scodelario) left on the shelf of a Costco finds friendship, heartbreak and love with the help of a sausage (John Ratzenberger), a grapefruit (Danai Gurira), two eggs (Simon Pegg and Jane Horrocks) and a Belgian waffle (Jean Claude Van Damme). Soundtrack by Randy Newman.

Warner Brothers Studios: "Breakfast Overflow" directed by Brad Peyton. A factory that produces microwave breakfast foods gets overtaken by corporate terrorists (Robert Patrick, Adam Driver and Jamie Hector), and it's up to one security guard (Dwayne Johnson) to grab a spatula and take them all over easy. Also starring Jacob Tremblay as a kid lost during a tour and Elizabeth Gillies as the receptionist-cum-munitions expert.

An Imagined Conversation.

"Hello, Streetwise Promotions?"
"Hi, I'd like to complain about the posters you guys made for my January concert?"
"Yes, what is the problem?"
"Well, you spelled my name right. My name is Fabolous. You guys spelled it 'Fabulous,' like the real word."
"Okay. How is that a problem that we spelled it right, sir?"
"The problem is that I intentionally spell it wrong, but you guys didn't spell it wrong like I like, so it's spelled all right now."
"Right. So how is that a problem?"
"My name is FabOlous. You spelled it FabUlous."
"Well sir, our designers put all of the words in the poster layouts through spell-check, so I'm sure there is no mistake."
"(Groans) Spell-check. Right. Yeah, my name is spelled wrong, so of course it will correct it. Listen, I've spent a lot of time and money building my rapper name, and although I initially spelled it wrong like an idiot, I have stuck to it to build on its equity. So you as a promoter should respect that my name should always be spelled wrong."
"So you want us to redo your posters so that they're spelled wrong, is that what you're saying?"
"Yes, please."
"I don't know what else I can do for you, Mr. Fabulous. We've had lots of happy clients whose posters we've made: Boys To Men, Ludicrous, Wrecks In Effect, Sierra, Soldier Boy Tell Them, and Business Marquee, to name a few."
*click*

That Ain't Right.

(pictured above, something is seriously amiss about this activity book— click to enlarge)