Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain The Coronavirus

"Oh, that's a great one. And so timely! The disease is actually called COVID-19 and is caused by a coronavirus called SARS-CoV-2. Older adults and people who have severe underlying medical conditions like heart or lung disease or diabetes seem to be at higher risk for developing more serious complications from COVID-19 illness. There are as yet no vaccines or antiviral drugs to prevent or treat human coronavirus infections. I'm glad you asked!"

"Wait, I managed to explain the whole thing without these two thighs interru..." *NECK SNAPS*

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Chris Miles goes back to the source and releases the realest booty album ever.

Before pot was legalized, there were no guidelines for sanitary storage of marijuana, resulting in a lot of surprised and vaguely satisfied customers.

Poor gullible Terrence was fooled every time someone played "The Roof Is On Fire." 

I swear that guy in the middle looks like a pinto bean.

"T-O-I-L-E-T  T-H-L?"

From Eli Roth's remake of "Babe."

"Pay my bill." "Yes." "Pay my bill." "No." "No." "No." "I would like to pay my cell phone bill." "Operator."

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Last Week Of 2013

Feel free to use any of these unloved hashtags in your own unloved Twitter feed.

#myspace

#aynrandawesomeness

#icanbenchpressoneblackcock

#fingeringsototmayor

#gonnamissjayleno

#semenonmysombrero

#worthviolatingmyprobation

#areasonedwellwrittenandgrammaticallycorrecttweet

#venerealticks

#joycedewitt

#smurfgenitals

#whyistheironingboardmadatme

#2brokegirlsmarathon

#shanghaimarathon

#iaminsidejonahhill

#ballinatthecoinstar

Spotted On The Highway

A health brochure from the local free clinic passes me on the parkway.

The Guy Who Keeps Bringing Up Star Wars On Dates

And Now For Some Slug Porn

I bet you didn't wake up this morning thinking you'd see slugs fucking today. But the universe deals out the cards any which way, and so here we are.

Hello From Times Square!

(pictured above, I am a terrible, terrible person)