20 Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Pop star Ariana Grande will have you believe that she's the cutest, dimpliest, most adorable thing on the planet. Here, however, are twenty things in existence that are actually cuter than Ariana Grande, much to her chagrin:

1. Pigs in a blanket with baby corn next to it

2. Baby otters holding hands while floating on their backs

3. Pikachu

4. Pug puppies

5. Dewey from "Malcolm In The Middle"

6. Dwarf weddings

7. Ringbearers at dwarf weddings

8. Mini corn muffins

9. The Build A Bear Workshop hold music

10. The one guy in One Direction who doesn't look like he's wearing a wig backwards

11. U.S. Supreme Court Justice Stephen G. Breyer

12. Luxembourg

13. Kittens (every breed)

14. Mini Vaseline tubs

15. That new rolling droid in the "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" teaser trailer

16. Mexican children

17. Kermit's nephew Robin

18. My wife when she tries to suppress a sneeze

19. The word "eke"

20. Newborn Hobbits with tufts of hair on their tiny feet

Suck it, Ariana! Eke!

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Chris Miles goes back to the source and releases the realest booty album ever.

Before pot was legalized, there were no guidelines for sanitary storage of marijuana, resulting in a lot of surprised and vaguely satisfied customers.

Poor gullible Terrence was fooled every time someone played "The Roof Is On Fire." 

I swear that guy in the middle looks like a pinto bean.

"T-O-I-L-E-T  T-H-L?"

From Eli Roth's remake of "Babe."

"Pay my bill." "Yes." "Pay my bill." "No." "No." "No." "I would like to pay my cell phone bill." "Operator."

Pantone's Color Of The Year, 2015, Presented By Utz Snack Foods

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AAG

The EADJ Holiday Shopping Guide: Which Halle Berry Celebrity Perfume Is Right For You?

So you have to give your girlfriend a Christmas present and think she's too fat and disgusting but want to pretend you're fucking Halle Berry with your eyes closed. Here's a handy holiday guide to navigate the complex world of Halle Berry-endorsed perfume:

Perfume Name: Exotic Jasmine

Halle Berry's hair on the package: Monster's Ball

Contains hints of: jasmine, jasmine extracts, and some bile from Jasmine Guy

Will make your significant other: horny as an iguana in a boot store

Perfume Name: Closer by Halle Berry

Halle Berry's hair on the package: Gothika

Contains hints of: muskellunge, chirashi and sriracha

Will make your significant other: sweat like a hot, wet summertime dumpster

Perfume Name: Wild Essence: Halle Berry

Halle Berry's hair on the package: "Extant" TV series, which I heard started out promising but ended up sucking for some reason

Contains hints of: vanilla bean, horse

Will make your significant other: cheat on you with the guy checking receipts with a highlighter at Home Depot

Let's Scrape The Baked-On Meat Out of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Geoff via MMS, Ne-Yo is a doppelgänger of ME.

Personally, I like my version of "Make It Work" better.

The ProofrEADJer, Last-Holiday-Shopping Edition