How About Some Death Star Tea Pot Puns? Hey, Why Not.

I got an email from Thinkgeek.com advertising this terrifying yet comforting Death Star tea pot set.

Now, I know lots of Imperial officers spoke the Queen's English, but I had no idea they actually broke for tea time! Here now are a bunch of strained Star Wars/teapot puns we had lying around:

• Oolong time ago in a galaxy far, far away

• "Red Zinger, standing by"

• C-3PEKOE

• "Well, the Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it infuses the galaxy together."

• The spice mines of Kettle

• ♫ Here is my handle, and here is my super laser focus lens ♫

• "Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational ...uh, tea kettle."

• "Earl Grey Tea, hot!" (whoops, wrong franchise)

• Knights Of The Old Republic (of Tea)

• "Many Bothans died to bring us this tea."

• "I have a really bad Darjeeling about this."

The Most Important Thing A Father Can Do For His Children Is To Love Their Pathmark

Granny Say What?

"Give it all you've got?" Does a Granny really say that? Is that even #17 on the list of things she'd ever say? "Give it all you've got?" Is Granny the head coach of the Houston Oilers now? "Give it all you've got?" Why not "Get some?" "Go big or go home?" "Pain is temporary; victory is forever?"

"Give it all you've got?" Jesus, Granny, you need to lay off the 'roids and pick up knitting again. You're scaring me.

UAG

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with Presidential Inauguration Facts

Yeah, I don't know a ton about inaugurations, so I'm just gonna wing it, if that's okay:

Thomas Jefferson was the first President to be sworn in wearing a hat.

James Polk was sworn in on a copy of "Our Bodies, Ourselves."

Herbert Hoover won both a Strongest Man contest and a radio call-in competition the day before his inauguration.

The word "inauguration" means "hobo marriage" in Swahili.

Bill Clinton was inaugurated not on the Capitol steps but at a Caribou Coffee in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.


I'm gonna quit right there, because I feel foolish making this stuff up. I don't like pretending to know about something that I really don't. Like that time some dean for some university rode in my town car and started talking about the deficit. I started running my mouth and could tell in the rear view mirror that he wasn't buying it. That was an uncomfortable ride.