UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of November 19, 2018

Bigamy is the act of going through a marriage ceremony while already married to another person. I'm not sure what that has anything to do with unpopular Twitter hashtags, but I got bored writing the same intro for this segment. Here are hashtags nobody uses:

#haggissliders

#Trumpdignity

#cornbreadfarts

#DoratheColonizer

#bitcoinphilanthropist

#Napasoulmusicfestival

#thisiswhyIgotintoembalming

#whyyesIdlovetotakeashortsurveyforyou

#learningsomethingfromaFacebookargument

#caughtbetweenarockandaslightlysofterrockbutstillaprettyhardplace

If You See A Faded Sign At The Side of The Road That Says '15 Miles To the PAAAATHMARK!'

Maybe One of the Stupidest Movies We've Made

A slight misunderstanding

CORRECTION: Yesterday EADJ reported that Joel had signed on to write one episodes of the Tatum O'Neal soap opera "Wicked Wicked Games." In actuality, Joel had simply WATCHED an episode of "Wicked Wicked Games" in his boxer briefs while eating bologna out of the package. EADJ regrets the error.

The episode Joel watched was titled "Delayed Gratification." Though Theodore and Emma make a pact to keep the family secrets between them, Brooke’s suspicions are nonetheless aroused. And while Josh tries to prove that Emma should have faith in him, Edward proves that he cannot be trusted.

(pictured above, Amazon.com CEO and Founder Jeff Bezos announces the exciting new "Eat a Dick!" option on its store, allowing consumers to "eat a dick with only one click!" Unfortunately, the only consumers that this option is available to is Joel Thomas and strangely, Mia Farrow.

CLARIFICATION: EADJ readers have pointed out that in today's and yesterday's entries, the plural word "episodes" followed the singular word "one." The EADJ writers assure everyone that this is intentional, to make it funnier.

Apologies and Regrets

"I regret that I have but one dick to eat for my country." - Nathan Hale Thomas

This writer regrets that he did not get to meet with the eponymous Joel in L.A. this week due to scheduling problems. So Joel, consider this entry a heartfelt, written apology:

Hey Joel,

I'm really sorry that we didn't get to have lunch when I was out there. It's my fault, because I somehow let time slip by the 12 days I was in town. And don't think I was honestly avoiding you; I truly was looking forward to seeing you eat dick in person. It's just that I was too busy with work.

To only hear about you eating dick secondhand is not doing you justice. It's unfair to you to report all the dicks you've eaten without seeing it all happen with my own eyes. That's just bad journalism. And this is probably stating the obvious, but I wanted to assure you that whenever I'm in L.A. again, I want to see you eat dick the way I should have these last two weeks. In person.

I hope you can find it in your heart to eat a dick, Joel.

David

(pictured above, Corny clowning around + Unfortunate cropping = Gay porn)