And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Start a Gothic Story

Gothic fiction is a subgenre of horror, exemplified by authors such as H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe, AND Mary Shelley. Gothic horror consists of moody landscapes, supernatural experiences, and an atmosphere filled with dread. You can write your own piece of gothic fiction if you know about its conventions.

At the beginning of your story, take care to describe your setting and characters who are present at the beginning of your story. Just make sure that you don't give away too much information in the beginning. Leave some things to describe later, like the villain and other mysterious elements of your story.

Secondly, Gothic readers love metaphors, so use imagery (such as ghosts, vampires) to convey a deeper meaning. That could be political, sexual, or emotional. Either way, metaphors, when done right, add a new level of terror in your story.

And speaking of new levels, when you call my limo to pick you up at the airport and you text me you'll be standing at Door 1, Level 2, don't be standing at Door 2, Level 1. I can't be both places at once! Be safe, kids!

Special "Just In Time, Suckas!" Entry For The Labor Day Weekend

Pictured below, some douchebag on vacation realizes his Hummer (with luggage racks!) doesn't somehow have enough hauling space for all his douchebag gear.

Fun fact: a Hummer's mileage when towing a full U-Haul trailer is actually negative five miles per gallon.

Why You Can Trust The Bible

• The Bible won't confuse you with delicious beats and rapid-fire rhymes that you can't keep up with because you're square and white.

• The Bible won't try to leverage your friendship by passive aggressively reminding you to buy Girl Scout Cookies from their daughters.

• The Bible will tell you if those fancy frames you just bought at Lenscrafters make your head look gay.

• The Bible will kiss your wife hello but not in a creepy, lingering way.

• The Bible won't let some random friend of theirs appear at your apartment and say they were told it was okay to crash on your couch for a month.

• The Bible will return your car with the steering wheel and the seat at their original settings.

• If you're a vegan, the Bible will inform you if the cheese in the tostadas are made from soy or not.

• The Bible will stop you from wearing those sweatpants with the word "Juicy" on the ass to a job interview.

• If you tell the Bible to sit there and wait while you grab some Panda Express at the food court, they won't run off and visit Spencer's Gifts without telling you and make you waste a half hour looking for it.

• The Bible will discourage you from watching "The Happening" by M. Night Shyamalan.

• Ex-girlfriends of the Bible say it's cool if you hook up with them, and it's actually cool.

• The Bible won't call in sick and leave you to work a double shift at Radio Shack like a motherfucker.

• The Bible isn't badly photoshopped on the cover so that you can't read the title:

Some Items At The Car Wash That I Thought Sounded Dirty

(Not pictured: Gear Shift Knob, Splashguard Trim, and Double Cup Holder)

And on a separate note, I found these decorative CDs you can hang on your rear view mirror, so people don't have to hang their regular CDs from their rear view mirror. Makes sense.



I was tempted to buy one of these and try to play it on a CD player. Much like my desire to buy some Rice Krispies Treats, disassemble them and eat them with milk.

What Dave Levy Lev'd Behind 2

Beth thinks she's a creative.

Thanks, Drummer for Supra Genius!